


A Certain Slant of Light

by Darcyfitz



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Dreamsharing, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Falling In Love, Force Bond (Star Wars), Jedi Rey, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Regret, Rey Kenobi, Virgin Kylo Ren, Virgin Rey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-10-14 21:45:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 31,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10544848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darcyfitz/pseuds/Darcyfitz
Summary: Can a monster be redeemed? And who could love one enough to even try?





	1. "...All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream..." Edgar Allan Poe

~ Chapter 1 ~

 

It was happening again, as it did almost every night since the forest on Star Killer Base.

Since the day he killed his father.

Since the day he dueled _her_.

The dream.

He was running through a maze of rocks and barren trees, his footing faltering through thick snow banks which he was desperately trying to navigate. His heavy battle boots slugged through the resisting terrain, making him winded as he desperately tried to keep air pumping through his lungs. He was young, fierce, strong, and healthy. This made no sense, his inability to move.

The smell of burning flesh flared in his nostrils; an acrid smell which had never fazed him until now and it rendered him nauseous. All around him, the slain bodies of the Knights of Ren lay littered on the terrain like mismatched puzzle pieces; all twisted limbs and expressionless eyes as some were blackened and charred, others dripping blood into the snow turning it a slushy red.

His Knights. Who met their grim end at the end of _his_ lightsaber.

He gazed at them in stunned shock, his mind not comprehending what his eyes were showing him.

_'How could I…Why would I…? I swore my allegiance to the First Order. To Supreme Leader Snoke. What could have caused me to slaughter these Knights?'_ He wondered in a daze, staring down at the red lightsaber still alight and humming in his hand. He had gripped it fiercely through his trek through the snow, its luminescence blinding him momentarily and he tried frantically to look through the haze, searching for answers.

And as countless times before, a feeling so powerful swept through his body like Force lightening. It brought him to his knees upon the ice sodden ground, his body slumping forward and sinking into the rich soil beneath the snow to trap him.

The combination of smoke and a blizzard-like snow which rained down from the sky like a chainmail curtain obscured his vision, yet through the pelting storm he saw a figure standing close by…watching him. The figure had no weapon; no knife, staff, nor saber. He felt a strange sense of possessiveness overwhelm him suddenly, urging him to put his weapon away. This person was no threat to him. At least, not _physically_.

Disengaging his saber’s powerful beam, he clipped it on his belt before he rubbed the blinding cold precipitation out his eyes and tried to focus on the lone figure. All of his senses came alive at once, yet he couldn’t move a muscle. The figure took a step closer to him, then another…all the while, their eyes were locked in a soundless conversation. The closer the figure drew, the more fearful he became. Yet it wasn’t the fear of death which coursed through him. No…

It was the fear of _life_.

For the figure’s eyes were blazing fire at him, deep and mysterious and comforting. Full of emotions that made him nearly swallow his own tongue. Emotions like empathy. Charity. Compassion. Hope. Forgiveness.

_Love._

A loud grunt escaped his lips as he realized he couldn’t shut himself off from the paralyzing fear he felt, to obtain what he so desperately wanted in that moment – to run to her. Envelop her in his arms. Beg her to envelop him in hers. Fall against her and just _feel_ for once. Something _other_ than rage. And just take the comfort that he craved. Force help him…he still, even all of this time, felt the pull to the Light. And it continued to grow, stronger than ever. Especially whenever she was in his presence.

_'It IS you'_ …He thought in a daze, half because of what he’d just done and half because of the reason he realized he did it.

For her.

She had been in danger. His Knights were there to destroy her, on the orders of Snoke who knew that he was too weak to do so himself. And he could not let that happen.

She walked slowly towards him, her feminine limbs carrying her gracefully. When they were merely a foot from one another she dropped to her knees before him in the snow, and she gazed at him breathlessly. She told him without words that she knew…had known all along, somehow. That she saw a sliver of light still intact inside of him, no matter what he’d done. That she knew how he felt in his deepest thoughts about his father, and the horror over what he’d done. That she had felt shame for calling him a monster and had continued to think he was just that; until their connection opened up his soul to her in ways that had nearly devoured her in their grief and sorrow and she finally, finally…had begun to understand his motives and what turned him into the killing machine that he had become. And she told him, albeit with fear and shame and shyness…that the bond they shared was too strong for her to deny any longer, and that she was having trouble not surrendering to it.

Completely.

He watched in fascination as tiny snowflakes landed in her hair, on her shoulders, on her eyelashes. She resembled a snow angel, her long hair blowing in the breeze and swirling the snowflakes around her face like an icy halo. He gazed at her in stunned wonder; at this woman-child who was the only living creature to have ever understood him, the real him. A shattered mixture of both Ben Solo and Kylo Ren, she saw beyond the mask to what truly lay beneath his loathsome exterior.

Loneliness. Abandonment. Fear. Mistrust. Sorrow. Guilt. Desperation.

Was it any wonder that her spirit called to him, since these were the exact same attributes that he had found so endearing in her? The innocence of her, despite her tragic upbringing and harsh reality?

What had she done to him? Why hadn’t he just killed her on Star Killer Base, by kicking her over the side of that cliff? It would have been so easy, so clean. She would have tumbled into the abyss, only to have been incinerated moments later when the planet exploded. He would have his peace. He would not be scarred or disgraced.

He would have been free…had it not been for his treacherous heart begging him to explore their connection. Urging him to beg her to let him be her teacher.

_'You will never be free of her, and you know it'_. A voice in his head lamented mournfully.

  _Yes, I know it_.' He answered back, utterly defeated.

He began to hyperventilate now, trying desperately to remember his training. His breathing. His allegiance to the Dark side. His Code. Anything, to help him fight off the attack of her beseeching eyes. Her warm skin which even from this distance and through the snow, he could sense through the Force. Her trembling lips, as they opened and closed on soundless pleas which he could not, would not, listen to. For no matter what he had just done, there was a way out.

He was the Master of the Knights of Ren. He was the important one. They were merely players in a game. Pawns. He was the Chosen One. He would take his rightful place in history as Ruler of the Galaxy, completing his Grandfather’s work. Supreme Leader Snoke would forgive this offence. His plans… _their_ plans…would still proceed as foreseen. He had never lied to anyone, friend or foe. He had never lied to her, choosing to be honest from the beginning.

Yet he would lie to his Master, if that’s what it took. He would bury his feelings, whatever they were, down so deeply that the pits of hell could not even reach them. He could spin the web as good as anyone, when it met his directive. He could play the part; he had become quite skilled at doing so until she had come into the picture, ruining everything. Snoke now sensed a taint on his soul, a stain that looked and sounded and smelled of her. And he would do anything he could now to strip himself free of this bond, so that his Master would once again trust him.

Anything…

Yet the chains of her eyes as they bore into his told him that no…everything had changed.

He wanted to despise her in that moment. Wanted to reach out his palm and with the Force crush her windpipe; until those hazel eyes all but dimmed in his vision. He wanted to feel her incredibly strong Force signature vaporize in the air, like the smoke which was still rising around them.

But he couldn’t do it. Another failure; added to the many he now laid at Supreme Leader’s feet. All he could do was sit there on his knees, watching her. Calculating her. Studying her. He could barely stand to look at her, because her very essence tormented and mocked him. A fearsome thought ran through his body and turned his blood icier than the air around him.

Who was the hunter now, and who was the prey?

He was fixated on her appearance…so different than the last time he had seen her. Dream her looked different every time, which he supposed was his own mind supplying information; playing tricks on him. But in this dream, she looked exactly how he knew she really did. Her clothing was no longer that of a scavenger. No more muslin rags or flimsy linen graced her delicate yet sturdy frame. She bore proper robes now; not those of a Jedi yet not those of a padawan, either. They were unique. Intricate…much like her.

Her outer tunic was long and thick, cut to fit her frame perfectly and made for battle. It would shield her well, unlike the gossamer cloth he had first encountered her in. She wore proper trousers now, tucked into boots which, although clunky, could not disguise her delicate legs or feet.

Her robes were a darker color, as well; not black, yet not exactly gray. The color intrigued him, as he had never seen it before in the galaxy. It was a mystery…again, much like her.

_'Ashen',_ he thought dazedly. They were the color of ashes. Made even darker by the wet snow which fell around them, plastering them to her small yet strong form. He tore his eyes away from that image, not understanding the effect it was having on him and focused back on her face.

A face which was watching him with a strange sense of awe. His dark eyes probed hers, seeking answers. Demanding answers. Yet they were already answered, long ago. And he knew it.

His eyes left her hazel orbs to travel around her face, and he swallowed harshly. Her hair was longer, and it was down. It was very wavy, just like his, and he knew the chestnut color would glisten like spun gold in the Sunlight had there been any. A small bun was affixed at the top of the luxurious looking mound. He could clearly make out a padawan braid trailing down the inside of her hair, its leather straps reaching her shoulder. A shoulder he knew was soft and delicate, from her former threadbare scavenger attire. The skin of her face was perfect and pristine, the only marring was that of the snow which kissed her cheeks.

She looked hardened somehow around her expressive eyes, roughened by training and tainted by war. Yet her newfound maturity called to him in ways that he could not comprehend. He knew that she must have lived to see another birthday, as did he. As he was now 30 standard years, she was 20. She was no child, but yet…she never was one. Not to him.

A strange feeling began to spring forth from his core, spiraling upward until he held his throat in its fiery grasp. He felt like choking, desperate to understand what this feeling was.

Longing…Desire…Lust.

_That_ was it.

He shook his head, trying to rid himself of this madness. _No._ He swore silently, clenching his fists. _No._

He had never given in to the pleasures of the flesh. Never felt the longing stir in his blood for another. Especially not a woman so imposing as this one. He was raised from a young age to be a _gentleman_. He had once treated women with _respect_. Opening doors for them, pulling out chairs for them, offering them refreshments when they visited his mother. He had been too young to ever consider the differences between the sexes, or what it meant. He knew that men and women married. Had children. It never occurred to him why, just that it was. Then, he had been shipped off to his uncle. The Jedi Master followed the strict sects of Jedi rules. No attachments. No bonds. He never looked at anyone during that time with any interest beyond that of the normal wonderings; why he had a different body than a female, why they smelled differently, why their lips were redder and their eyelashes more luxurious. But his training forbade him to ask questions, so he didn’t.

And then…

When he became a Knight of Ren, all pleasures of the flesh were banished to him. While embracing the Dark side meant giving in to your baser feelings, he never equated that with pleasure. Only power. Anger. Aggression. If the other Knights indulged, he dared not ask. It was none of his business, as his was none of theirs. He wanted no entanglements of any kind, lest of all sexual ones. He meditated day and night, seeking the guidance of both his grandfather and his master, with almost a zealousness of religious fanaticism. As the years went by, he completely snuffed out any desire of being with someone in a physical capacity. That life was not meant for him. And it never would be. He looked in the mirror and the striking features staring back at him were hollow and dead. No woman could ever look upon him with anything other than revulsion, no matter how handsome his face. His soul was blackened, so his facial beauty was moot.

The only pleasure he sought, was that feeling of satisfaction after battle. The trouble was, he realized that he had been chasing that pleasure for a long time, yet it always eluded him. After each acquisition, each kill…he only felt worse.

Coming back to the present, he realized that she had crawled the short distance which separated them and was now barely inches away. His eyes widened in horror before straying to her lips and holding them in his gaze, paralyzed.

They were so close…

_No!_

Her delicate hand rose from its prone position at her side, reaching slightly towards him. His instinct told him to light his saber and cut it off. Or at the very least, push it away. Rise, and leave this place. He’d done enough damage already. He’d killed his loyal Knights, surely to invoke the wrath of Snoke.

Because of her.

It mattered not that it was a dream. The intent behind it was clear. He would kill for her. He would _die_ for her.

He began to pray that she would be the one to move away, since he obviously couldn’t find the strength to do so. Yet she only came closer, making his body tremble violently.

_‘What do you think you are doing? Do not dare touch me! Leave me now! You will do as I say!’_ He screamed across their Bond to her, unsurprised when she shook her head in the negative. He expected nothing less from her.

Neither moved as her hand continued its trek across the Universe of expanse between them, and it was only at the last when he realized what her intent was. Startled eyes widened as she lay her palm against his scar…the scar which she’d branded him with. It was red and angry, a testament to the Force’s power.

To her power.

Disgust and shame barreled through him like an out of control space cruiser, hollowing him from the inside out. Cupping her delicate palm gently around his chin, she allowed her tiny fingers to trace the length of the scar. His breathing became hitched as he tried to move away, yet all he could do was sit there, heaving in sips of breath…enjoying her touch like the traitor that he was.

She stood for everything that he was against: Peace. Goodness. Unity. Light. Love…

Snoke had been right. His compassion for her was a weakness. A grave weakness. He should have crushed her. He should have annihilated her. He should have. He could have. He would have…

_‘I hate you’_ , He thought viciously, hating himself even more when he found himself leaning deeper into her touch…closing his eyes to savor it. It felt good. It felt right. He wanted more. Damn her, he wanted more.

_No…_

Suddenly he felt her aura all around him, her Force signature so strong that he feared it was going to crush him. He could hardly draw a breath as his throat seized up. She had tricked him, after all. She never meant to offer him any kind of empathy or kindness. She had him right where she wanted him now, and he had played right into her hands like the weak and pathetic fool that he was.

_Crafty serpent_ , he thought with pure hatred. _Cunning temptress._

He closed his eyes tighter, not wanting to see her face when the final blow came. If she were to be his undoing, he wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of meeting her eyes when she snuffed out his life. He would not give her that victory.

_“Do what you must…Scavenger.”_ He bit out harshly, unsure why he wasn’t even putting up a fight. He was supposed to rule the galaxy. He was supposed to finish what his grandfather started. Yet here he knelt, ready to allow this girl to run him through with her lightsaber. Although he didn’t see it, he was certain it was on her person, somewhere.

Yet the energy which hummed around them wasn’t dark. Not at all. And it wasn’t malicious, as he had first thought. It was Light. Incandescent and blinding. Even with his eyes closed, Kylo couldn’t block it out. It slipped underneath the slits of his eyes, threatening to burn his sensitive irises and he found himself yelping.

_"What is she doing to me?"_ He moaned, unaware that he’d spoken aloud.

Something was building; emanating from her outwards until he was engulfed in it. A feeling so powerful that he began to feel as weak as a baby. But a feeling of peace came on the heels of that power; peace so divine that he feared it just as badly. It was only when he allowed it in completely did he realize that she wasn’t trying to kill him.

She was trying to communicate with him. Through the Force, and not just their Bond.

She was trying to talk to him.

_‘I know…’_ She answered through the Force, her voice devastated and cracking with misery. As though his hatred of her caused her physical pain. _“I know that you hate me. I wish_ _that you didn’t. I wish…so many things for you. But you don’t want any of it. You would rather hate me than…”_ She faltered in her speech, not finishing what she was going to say.

But he knew.

His eyes flew open, locking onto hers with intensity.

She had heard him. And…he had heard her. And it wasn’t merely their Bond, which was delicate. It was loud like a symphony, booming and all encompassing. They could have been speaking with their voices for how real it sounded.

What was happening to him? To them?

It was nothing new. Just another piece in an ever growing puzzle that Ren knew he would never be able to solve. Ever since the first time he had laid eyes upon her, he felt a string which connected his soul to hers. It was why he couldn’t bring himself to torture her. Why he couldn’t bring himself to throw her into the snowy abyss on the base. She spoke to him and he spoke to her and it just…was.

He couldn’t do this anymore. He was crumbling under the weight of his feelings. His _emotions_...

He reached up, gripping the forearm of the hand that cupped his cheek. Eyes still locked in silent communication, he found his hand sliding upwards toward his face…joining her hand which cupped his scarred cheek. He squeezed her hand tenderly, not understanding what this strange connection was between them. Gazing into her fathomless eyes, Despair and loneliness now had a name.

Opening his mouth in misery and fear, he uttered that name and knew it would seal his fate.

_“Rey.”_

His voice sounded desperate and raw, like he had been choking on sand. Tears began to pool in his eyes, and he didn’t fool himself that they were caused by the whipping cold wind battering them both.

_“Please…don’t go. Stay with me. Save me.”_ He rasped, a hollow feeling beginning to form in the pit of his stomach. It was going to happen again, he knew it. He knew it, and he could do nothing to stop it. Each time it was different, morphing into some new horror. He was on guard at once, his eyes wild as they implored her to not break their connection.

Suddenly Rey’s hand was ripped away from his cheek, leaving his own hand that was upon it flailing in midair. Rey stumbled backwards, fear and panic in her eyes as they looked behind Ren.

Turning around he saw one of his Knights advancing upon them, lightsaber drawn and ready for battle. He must have not killed them all, or perhaps this one had survived his injuries. He tried to stand up, but the mud and snow made it impossible for him to gain a foothold. The Knight advanced faster and faster, yelling ferociously.

A sick, murky feeling of dread bubbled up inside of Kylo as he watched Rey scramble to her feet. But instead of running in either direction to escape the coming attack, she ran backwards.

Horror filled Ren’s eyes as he realized there was nothing behind her…nothing except a hundred foot drop into an icy ocean below. Suddenly they were on Ahch-To, no longer in the forest on Star Killer Base.

_“Stop!”_ He screamed frantically, searching for his lightsaber on his belt but finding it had disappeared. _“I order you to stop!!! Don’t touch her!!! She is mine!!!”_

Yet the Knight advanced as though he hadn’t heard a word his Master had said. And why would he have cared anyway, seeing how his Master had slaughtered them all to save her.

_“No!!!!”_ Ren screamed maniacally, his deep voice sounding tortured.

He watched helplessly as Rey’s delicate feet met the edge of the cliff, teetering on the edge. She reached out to him with the same hand she had caressed his cheek with, her eyes dark and as tumultuous as the sea below. He ran after her desperately, suddenly finding his lightsaber when he made a final attempt to locate it at his belt. Igniting it without further preamble, he rushed through the body of his Knight with his saber blazing as the man ran right through Ren on his way to Rey.

The Knight evaporated in front of him, and through the swirling mist of the apparition Kylo realized that the Knight was never really there.

It was Rey who received the blow of his saber, sinking into her tender flesh right through the heart. Her toes faltered on the edge of the cliff now, boots lifting off the rocky terrain to linger there in midair for a sickening second. Understanding dawned upon his face as Rey’s eyes widened in terror. So much like his father’s, on the day he killed him in the exact same way.

It had been him that she was running from. Him, and his darkness. Him, and his hatred. This was the premonition that he relived night after night. Rey had finally felt the Light in him, but something changed it, making her run for her life. And even though he always tried to save her, it was always him who ended up killing her.

Yet something about tonight was different. Her name. He had whispered her name. He had finally begged her to stay with him, help him, and save him. Finally admitted that it was his wish.

So why had she run once again?

_“No!”_ He whispered, his voice devastated. _“This is not happening. It can’t be happening. Not again. Not you.”_

Ren yanked the saber from her chest, his hands shaking as he tried to power it down. Their eyes locked, both widening in regret. Their bond, so strong…was going to end. Their connection…severed. All of the things he had never dared to hope for, now lay shattered at his feet. The Light side had abandoned him long ago, and the Dark side was punishing him. He had nowhere to go. No hope. No redemption. He was utterly and truly lost.

Ren shook his head frantically from side to side, reaching a hand out to grip Rey’s hand. But it was too late. He was too weak in the Force and couldn’t pull her back or raise her up. A loud, mournful gasp escaped his lips as their fingers touched for a split second. He hadn’t been wearing gloves, and the cold from her fingers ran through him like an icy blade. He had a feeling it wouldn’t have mattered if he were wearing ten pairs of gloves. Her touch, however brief, set his entire being ablaze with something he was afraid to name.

How long had it been, since he’d actually touched another person? Anyone? Let alone one so lovely and pure as Rey?

In that second, the Force coursed through them both so acutely that Ren thought he would die from it. It grew in strength to light up the space between them. But it wasn’t enough to give him the strength to pull her back to safety. Not that it would have mattered if he had. She had a large hole in her chest the size of a fist.

_“Ben…”_ She called out mournfully, the single syllable tearing his heart apart.

That name…never had it sounded so much like his birth given title before. Never had he wished it were still true. But he was no longer Jedi Knight Ben Organa-Solo, crown prince of Alderaan. That man was murdered long ago, to be replaced by the monster which was now Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren.

He watched in slow motion as Rey fell backwards, her eyes never leaving his in her descent. Down and down she went, her billowy robes floating beneath her like wings. Her chestnut colored hair flew in the wind, reminding him of doves in flight. She resembled a beautiful seraph, one that he could never deserve to stand up for him on his judgment day.

He had wanted to kill many people in his lifetime. Had killed many people. Yet she was the one person he would have never allowed harm to come to. And he’d just run her through with his saber.

He was a monster. A creature in a mask, she’d once said. He had taken off his helmet to prove to her that he was not. Yet his soul was dead; stained with the blood of innocents. The first being Ben Solo.

‘ _Follow her’_ …A voice called to him urgently. And in that moment, he wasn’t sure whose voice it belonged to. For in following her, he might be able to save her. But who was going to save him?

_‘Follow her. Prove you are more than what you claim to be. You have a choice._ ’

A choice…he’d given up his choice long ago. Yet he knew without a doubt those hazel eyes would haunt him throughout eternity. She was his Force Bonded Mate. And he’d just ended her life. Which only meant one thing… He would forever walk in darkness, only half alive.

_‘You did this to yourself._ ’ The voice sneered back. And this time, the voice wasn’t gentle or earnest. It was his own.

_“NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”_

Kylo Ren awake with a start, his sweaty limbs entangled in the luxurious sheets that only the First Order could afford.

Gasping for breath and eyes wild, he reached over to the control switch by the side of the bed. Soft light illuminated the room at once, driving out the demons of that wretched dream.

Dream…again, the dream.

Sitting up, he swung his long legs over the frame of the bed and tried to gather his strength.

Each night, she came to him. Each night, spoke to him. And each night, he’d lose her.

It was always the same way, too. Rain. Snow. Smoke. Bodies. A cliff. A forest. His light saber. The ocean…loss.

_“You dream of an ocean. I see it. I see the island…”_

He should never have gotten into her mind. Something monumental happened that day; something that would forever change him.

_'Clear your mind. You cannot leave a trace of her lingering there if you don’t want Snoke to find her.'_

It disturbed him that he never thought of his own welfare where the Supreme Leader was concerned, but only hers.

_“You have compassion for her.”_

Ren swallowed roughly, scrubbing his hands across his face. When his fingers touched his healing yet prominent scar, he stopped. Her delicate hand had been there, just moments before. Soothing the pain that scar wrought. Telling him with her gentle touch that she wanted to understand him.

Ren closed his eyes tightly, fighting the guilt and pain threatening to swallow him whole. It never escaped his notice that the very place Rey had marked him with the lightsaber was where his father had touched him one last time.

_'Poetic justice, really.'_ Ren thought bitterly, still amazed that an untrained girl from nowhere could best him in a lightsaber duel.

He rose on unsteady legs and made his way to the window. His room was in the top of the Ren Temple, where he could see the night sky ablaze with stars.

_'She’s out there, somewhere. Hating you. Thinking you a monster.'_ His conscience jabbed at him. He scoffed angrily, releasing a punishing breath through his lips.

“I _am_ a monster.” He said emotionlessly, out loud to his cold and lonely room.

Moments passed in silence with nothing but the hum of the forest ringing through his mind.

_'Are you? Are you really?_ It taunted back. _'Because in these dreams, you try to save her. You allow her to touch you. You debate going after her. A monster would never contemplate or allow such actions. No disciple of the Dark side would ever consider saving the life of a common scavenger.'_

Ren scoffed angrily, punching the nearest wall.

_"I kill her! I run her through and watch her fall to her death.”_ He argued to the faceless voice, certain he was losing his grip on reality.

Several months of what Snoke deemed as ‘completing his training’ had worn him down. He was weak, tired, and struggling to withstand the brutal physical, emotional, and mental tests Snoke challenged him with. Each day he would have to face off in battle against another opponent, only to have to kill him. As the body count tallied up, Snoke only became more smug in his complete satisfaction that Kylo Ren was indeed his Master’s Apprentice; ruthless and vicious.

_'See, Master Ren? There is no compassion on the Dark Side. Let it flow through you.'_ He’d sneer in that gravely tone of voice that set Ren’s nerves on edge.

Ren ran unsteady hands through his black as midnight locks, feeling like a caged animal. It was no wonder he was so weary and exhausted; none too pleased with his performance back on Star Killer Base, Supreme Leader Snoke had him training night and day since...

The scavenger’s face flashed through his mind again, unbidden and unwelcome. He couldn’t get the image of her new look out of his thoughts, and wondered for the millionth time if that was really what she looked like now. It had been months since that fateful day in the forest, after all. He found himself revisiting that entire day in his memory on a never ending loop.

Hunting her down in the forest of Takodana, finally coming face to face with the girl. Carrying her back to his command shuttle, never letting her out of his sight as they ascended to Star Killer Base. Sitting and waiting for her to awaken in the interrogation chamber…

He was planning to use the Force to snap her to coherency. She had slept for hours from his hypnotic maneuver, after all. Seeing her in that metal chair, yet knowing there was a task at hand to see to…he had decided to let her sleep. The desert rat looked like she hadn’t slept for days. Weeks, if he were honest. And a Force sleep was indeed deep. Her face was peaceful in her slumber, and he had found himself watching her with greedy eyes wishing that he could sleep so soundly. An hour had stretched into two, and he felt the restless tug of his Master prodding him to find answers, and now.

Waking her up had been easy. Meeting her stunned and frightened gaze however…was not.

He hadn’t been prepared to see such a vulnerable yet brave gaze aimed at him. He had been grateful at the time he was wearing his mask. They had studied each other for a few seconds, before her small voice spoke. Then, he was done for.

_“Enough!”_ He said menacingly, his own voice sending a severe shiver down his spine. _“Enough of this.”_

Falling to his knees, he got into the lotus position and began to clear his mind, preparing for meditation. Another day ahead; another day of killing and torturing and submitting. He wished he could make it all go away. Yet he knew his destiny, and his place in this Universe. He was going to rule the galaxy one day, and he had to be ready. He smiled to himself, a twisted and cruel smile as he tried to imagine the bloodshed that lay ahead to achieve that goal.

And he desperately tried to tamp down the feelings of hopelessness, desolation, and fear that bloomed in his stomach because of it.

All the while, the girl lurked on the edges of his mind, infiltrating and caressing and planting a foothold. He could feel her, hear her thoughts, and it tore through his black soul like a petroleum fire.

_“Get out of my head.”_ He whispered, using the same words that Rey had spoken to him so long ago.

Moments passed in silence and he finally settled into a state where nothing existed but him. Peace, at last. But peace never lasts for long. For in the next instant, a feeling of dread bloomed in his chest so acute, that his eyes snapped open and he gripped his chest with a shaking hand.

_“I can’t…”_ A soft voice answered, millions of light years away. Yet it sounded as if it were whispered in his ear.

Kylo Ren shuddered, panting hard. She was strong, this woman. Stronger than he'd given her credit for, perhaps. And the fear wasn’t in admitting this truth. No…

The fear was in knowing there was nothing he could do about it.


	2. "...He who fights with monsters might take care, lest he thereby become a monster..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do you do when your mind tells you one thing, and your heart tells you another?

~Chapter 2~

Rey awoke with a start, sitting up on her pallet quickly and looking around the small hut with disoriented eyes. A deep chill ran through her body, and she tightened the threadbare blanket which was covering her around herself more securely. Turning minutely towards the small round window next to her bed, she noted that dawn had broken. In the distance, she could see the powerful waves of the sea battering the shoreline across the island, leaving a surge of foam in their wake. The sea was a destructive and unforgiving place. 

Especially when you were plunged into it from a very high cliff.

Running a trembling hand through her loose hair, Rey inhaled sharply. The dream. She’d had the dream, again. 

And again, it had ended the same way: her falling off of the cliff and plunging to her death. Watching what little ember of light that remained inside of Kylo Ren flicker out as she fell further and further away from him. 

Why would it matter to him if she lived or died? He hated her, after all.

Or so she thought.

A small gasp escaped her as she tried to push the disturbing dream aside. Seconds turned into minutes, and she knew that her endeavor was useless. Giving in, she opened up her mind completely and watched the events of the dream unfold before her. By the end, she was a trembling mess of limbs. She rose from her pallet, walking in circles around her small room thoughtlessly.

Something struck her as different this time, and she stopped in her tracks as she tried to remember it in vivid detail. 

His hand…he had touched her fingertips this time, if only for a split second, as she fell. He’d never done that before.

Usually when the dream reached that moment, the distance between them was too wide to feel him. But he’d reached out further this time, flinging his arm out to hers quicker than was humanly possible and actually touched her hand. The electricity she’d felt and still felt scared her greatly. 

It was the first time that as she fell he had actually touched her.

And there was something else. It nagged at the nerve endings in her brain like an itch she couldn’t scratch. Closing her eyes, she scanned the dream once again.

Ah. There is was…

Her name. He had said her name this time.  
Rey.

And…he had begged her not to leave him! 

Rey doubled over, her hand upon her midsection as she could practically hear his soft voice crying out so desperately in her ears.

‘Save me.’

'Oh, Kylo Ren. Ben Solo. Whomever the kriff you are…why are you in my thoughts and dreams? Why do I feel you, everywhere I go? Why do I have this terrible urge to save you, as you've begged me to do? Why? You murdered your father. You nearly killed my friend. You tried to open up my mind against my will! And still...I feel there is still light in you. That's impossible.'

Rey's thoughts disintegrated into thin air, nobody answering her silent plea. She knew somehow that he could hear her, though. She felt a cold tendril of... something... whisper along her skin. Not menacing; not really. Perhaps, he didn't even realize that he was trying to communicate with her. 

A gentle knock sounded at her door, and Rey jumped a mile as her fearful eyes turned towards the sound.

Calmness. Serenity. Peace. Let them flow through you…

“Come in.” Rey answered, in what she hoped wasn’t a shaky voice.

Luke Skywalker entered, carrying a tray of food and drinks. He set it down on the table, before turning to fix her with a serene yet guarded smile.

“Good morning, Padawan.” He said politely, ushering for her to sit.

“Good morning, Master.” Rey answered respectfully, bowing slightly before sitting at the table across from him.

Luke poured her a drink, then placed a bowl of porridge in front of her.

“Eat. You’ll need your strength for today.” He said kindly, his voice rough. 

Rey supposed it was from so many years of not speaking aloud to another. She nodded, grateful for not only his hospitality, but his tutelage. They ate in silence for a while, Luke planning a strategy for today’s lesson. Rey’s thoughts kept flickering to last night’s dream, much as she tried to hide them.

Master and Padawan gazed at each for a long, uncomfortable moment. It was then that she could no longer hide her distress, and her mind opened up for Luke to read like an open book. His eyes narrowed as he zoomed in on the finer points, before leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms to his chest. 

“You had another dream.” Luke stated matter-of-factly.

Rey’s eyes widened in equal parts embarrassment and fear. If he knew what she had dreamt about, then he no doubt knew about whom. Her eyes lowered, the silky lashes there concealing her turmoil.

“Yes.” Rey whispered simply, part guilt and part relief. 

Luke sighed, but offered no other motion.

They hadn’t really discussed Luke’s fallen nephew Ben Solo nor his alter ego Kylo Ren since she’d arrived here on Ahch-To. She had of course told Luke of the events that led to her arriving here, Kylo Ren being instrumental in that. Yet they never had discussed the particulars of his former life, or his destruction of the Jedi Temple on the day he had betrayed his uncle. It was clear that the Jedi before her was not ready or willing to discuss such a deeply painful memory with her, and she would never think to ask him for the details. 

Yet with each day spent here, and each night wracked with dreams of the dark Prince, Rey’s mind was growing weary. She sat back in her chair, her eyes hesitantly meeting that of her Master’s.

‘Help me,’ they pleaded to him, large and beseeching. 

‘Save me,’ Kylo’s voice whispered back in her head. 

Rey shivered, trying to banish it.

Luke sighed, nodding slightly.

“I will try to help you. But I know little of how Force Bonds work, only that they exist.” He said aloud, causing Rey to jerk in frightened confusion.

She hadn’t been prepared for Luke to have heard her.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to invade your thoughts.” Luke said remorsefully, offering her a small smile in apology.

Rey nodded at his non-judgmental gaze, relaxing a tick and smiling back. 

“It’s alright. It’s just…he did that. At the base, when he interrogated me. He read my mind. No one but the both of you have ever done that before.” She admitted quietly.

Luke gazed at her in understanding, saying nothing. He supposed it would be unnerving, to have another read your innermost thoughts. He remembered when Vader had read his, aboard the second Death Star. He remembered afresh the fear in his heart when Vader taunted him with turning Leia to the Dark Side. A chill ran through him at the memory.

Yes, the Dark Side could be as seductive as it was frightening. 

“Can all Jedi read minds?” Rey asked apprehensively, breaking Luke out of his pensive thoughts.

Pale blue eyes, withered with age and cynicism, gazed back at her stoically.

“No.” He said flatly, his voice sounding bitter. “They can’t.”

It was Rey’s turn to feel remorseful.

“I’m sorry, Master. I didn’t mean to pry.” She murmured in repentance.

Luke lifted the pitcher he’d brought and poured himself a glass of tea, drinking it slowly before returning his attention to her. He could sense the young woman’s unease, and strived to rectify the situation.

“Rey…you don’t have anything to apologize for. It’s only natural for you to be curious. The world of the Jedi is as mystical as it is magical. To answer your question properly...there are only a select few who can read minds, or use telepathic intrusion. It is quite rare, and takes years of training and discipline. And even then…” Luke trailed off, his eyes looking to some far distant place.

“Then?” Rey probed, tilting her head in earnest.

Luke gave her a sharp look before looking down at his lap.

“Then…it’s usually only Sith or Dark Side users who can achieve that level of knowledge and power. One of the many talents employed by a dark and sadistic mind. The Jedi possess rare gifts, but total mind control is only possible for those who are pre-ordained to learn it. It’s one thing to manipulate a weak mind. But to completely infiltrate it is…extraordinary.” Luke murmured, his voice tight.

Rey nodded thoughtfully, still uneasy.

“But…you can do it. And you’re not a Sith, or a Dark Side user.” She pointed out quietly.

Luke’s eyes snapped to hers. This girl was tenacious, that was for certain. He was still unsure whether or not that was a bad thing. 

There were many explanations he could have given her. But in the end, he decided to offer her the truth.

“I’m a Skywalker, Rey. It’s…easier for us, somehow. The Force is strong with us, both the light side, and the dark. My father…he was the most powerful Jedi Knight in the Galaxy. His blood runs through my veins, as it does any of his offspring.” Luke said hesitantly, realizing they were going to open up a topic he was not ready for.

Rey did not disappoint, as she leaned forward on the table towards him, pushing her forgotten porridge aside.

“Kylo Ren…Vader’s grandson. He is as strong with the Dark Side as his grandfather…isn’t he?” Rey asked quietly.  
Luke closed his eyes for a second, gathering his strength.

“Ben Solo.” He corrected, his voice cracking. “Anakin Skywalker’s grandson was named Ben Solo. Kylo Ren belongs to Snoke, not to the Skywalker's or the Solo's." Luke said bitterly.

Rey nodded in understanding, realizing that to Luke, he would never be Kylo Ren. He would always be his nephew, fallen though he were. 

“What was he like…as a boy?” Rey asked curiously. She often wondered how a child of Han and Leia’s could end up going down such a dark path. It grieved her, knowing that Han had died trying to bring his son back to the Light, and Leia was now all alone without a son or a husband.

A ghost of a smile crossed Luke’s lips as he allowed himself to remember.

“Ben was intelligent. Headstrong. Stubborn. Inquisitive. Shy. Kind…” Luke said, the adjective causing Rey’s eyes to widen in shock. 

The man that she watched plunge a lightsaber through his own father’s chest was definitely not kind. 

“Kind? I don’t understand.” She said truthfully, her voice sounding confused.

Luke smiled sadly, his lips turning into a twisted grimace.

“He was a very gifted padawan. A very gifted young boy. With everything from math, science, and lore to combat skills and meditation. By the age of fifteen, I was so certain he would complete his training and become a Jedi Knight far quicker than I had. He was very helpful as well, towards the other students.” Luke whispered, his mind refusing to go down the path and remember the day that Ben Solo wasn’t so helpful to those students. The day that Ben Solo became Kylo Ren.

Rey narrowed her eyes, listening raptly to Luke’s story.

“Ben was never a smug child. He was actually…very shy. He worried what other’s thought of him, being not only the nephew of Luke Skywalker but the son of war hero’s. Leia and Han kept that truth from him as long as they could, about who our father was, but in reality there was no escaping it. He was highly intelligent, and could decipher any mystery by the time he was three. As much as I tried to stem the tide of gossip about my father, his alter ego was hated around the galaxy. And rightly so. Darth Vader had spent twenty-three years torturing and maiming and killing innocents in the name of the Empire. Anakin Skywalker spent fifteen minutes in redemption. To some…that wasn’t good enough. Not everyone is as forgiving as they should be, Rey. Some other student’s taunted and tormented Ben because of his lineage when they found out. They treated him like a pariah. It had hurt him. It left an indelible stain upon him in some way, I think. As Vader before him, he is now cruel at heart…thanks to Snoke, as Palpatine was to thank for Vader. It would take a Force miracle to bring him back from the darkness he has willingly submerged himself in after all that has transpired.” Luke uttered hopelessly.

Rey inhaled deeply, her mind and her heart battling to find reason.

Cruel at heart…

She thought that perhaps, Luke was right. The man killed his own Father in cold blood, for Star’s sake. 

Yet something nagged at her as she considered her Master’s words. As she had watched Kylo Ren’s face after Han Solo plunged into the abyss below, he didn’t seem happy or fulfilled at what he’d just done. He had, in fact, looked shocked and numb at his actions; like a small child that knew he had done something irreparable. He had also looked dazed. A man of such finely honed skills, under normal circumstances, would never had waited around for Chewie’s bowcaster attack. Looking back now, Rey could see how deeply killing his Father had affected him. 

And then of course, there was the way he had treated her on Star Killer Base.

Even though his mind probing had hurt, more so for the mental exertion of trying to block him for what he was trying to reach than for any actual pain he was delivering, he had been somewhat…compassionate towards her. She hadn’t woken up bloody and beaten, nor did he employ any torture methods to get her to speak, as Finn mentioned he had done with Poe Dameron. She had no idea how long she was unconscious for before he’d woken her, and he could have done all kinds of unspeakable things to her in that time. But he hadn’t. He hadn’t molested or injured her, or allowed any of the guards to do the same. 

She remembered his words, so softly spoken, both in the green forest on Takodana and on the base. 

'...So afraid…yet I should be the one who is scared. You shot first. You speak of the First Order as if it were barbaric. And yet, it was I who was forced to defend myself against you...'

'...I would have preferred to avoid this. Despite what you believe, it gives me no pleasure. I will go as easily as possible. But I will take what I need...'

'...I could kill you right now. But there is another way. You need a teacher. I can show you the ways of the Force!...'

Rey let out an involuntary gasp as the memories flooded through her. Throughout all of their exchanges, she sensed that it was never his intention to kill her. He was a man who possessed immeasurable strength and rumored ruthlessness. He could honestly have crushed her insignificant form with just a thought. Yet he had been compassionate towards her. He had been almost…kind. As if he were trying to rescue her from the cursed Light that she so diligently ran towards…as though he could save her from it, as if it were something evil. 

Whatever link they shared now, it was confusing and frightening for Rey. She didn’t want to feel anything other than revulsion for Kylo Ren. Yet she found herself being drawn to him more and more. Wondering what he was doing at certain moments; what he was thinking. He usually did a much better job of shutting her out than she did, as though he were going through something awful and he was trying to shield her from the reality of it.

Was he eating properly? Sleeping enough? She always felt such a desperation coming from his side of the Bond, as if he weren’t taking care of himself. A strange, ashamed part of her pitied him. Worried about him. Cared for him. 

She envisioned Han and Leia, embracing their son and taking him away from the misery he’d submerged himself in, as Luke had said. They would hold him. Kiss his head. Caress his hair. Han would pat his son’s back in reassurance and Leia would cling to him, whispering words of love and motherly soothing. 

Rey would look on in fascination, a strange joy bubbling up inside of her at the tender scene while simultaneously feeling a lick of envy. He could have had everything she had been denied, but he threw it all away. She wanted to hate him for that, yet she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She remembered his eyes on Star Killer Base when she had defeated him; the fear and shock and yes…the respect she saw in their depths. He had been desperate in that moment for her to help him. She was certain that filled with the darkness though he had been, if she had saved him by taking him home he wouldn’t have fought it. 

Perhaps she felt so lost now, because a part of her knew she’d missed her opportunity to help him, as Han and Leia would have wanted. At the time, all she had thought about was Han falling into the abyss. Finn lying in the snow near death, his spine injured. Star Killer Base, as it was exploding all around her. She had realized with a pang of shame, that the furthest thought from her mind had been saving Kylo Ren. At the time, she’d felt justified. He was a monster, after all.

But now…all she felt was empty. He had seemed so lost, almost letting her win their duel. He had given up, whether from guilt, exhaustion, fear, or simply knowing in that battle she had the high ground. His near surrender haunted her, and she didn’t know how to break free from the guilt of leaving him there. His only options had been to die a murderer, unredeemed and alone, or be rescued by the gruesome Order that he followed so blindly.

It was truly a no win situation.

The moments stretched on in silence, Luke studying his pupil with knowing eyes. He released a deep sigh. It was as he had assumed; there was a bond…a deep bond…between his nephew and this girl. Just by reading Rey’s emotions, Luke could sense the conflict inside of her as she wondered how she could feel anything like pity for the Kylo Ren, when he had done so many unspeakable acts. 

And there was something else there…something subtle and soft, but its embers flickered with a gentle flame. 

Attraction.

Rey was a young woman, just beginning to make her way in the world. Was it any wonder that a slightly older, powerful, and handsome man had stirred an awakening inside of her? Couple that with their Force bond, and you had a recipe for disaster. While Luke had hoped for Ben to follow the Jedi path, that had meant no attachments. Yet he knew to his core that if Rey’s feelings towards Kylo were so strong, then Kylo must have reciprocated them tenfold. He could only imagine the depth of obsession Kylo Ren felt for Rey now, given the circumstances. Rey’s light was a strong living organism. Luke himself was drawn to it, as he was certain her newfound Resistance friends were. She was strong and kind, generous and caring. Chewie sang her praises to Luke, and the old Jedi was certain Leia had come to love her in the short time they had known each other. 

Yes…it was no great feat to imagine how deeply Kylo would be attached to Rey’s light, as well as the young woman herself. But Luke wondered if Kylo would care enough about Rey to shield her from his darkness…from his Master. He was no doubt fighting a war within himself now, as to whether or not to bring Rey to Snoke or keep her for himself. Either scenario sent chills through Luke, as he wasn’t certain neither one would destroy her.

He turned his gaze to the woman in question, who was watching him with a frown.

“Tread carefully, my young padawan. While it is true that Ben wasn’t always Kylo Ren, but a little boy full of hope and promise, he has become something dark and volatile. Unpredictable. And much like Darth Vader, he isn’t always in control of his anger. He may have spared you once, but you might not be so lucky next time. Especially since now his Master knows you are truly an adversary.” Luke said seriously. “And…a threat.”

Rey swallowed thickly, bowing at her Master’s tutelage. 

“Yes, Master.” She said obediently, rising to leave him. Turning the doorway, she eyed him curiously.

Luke turned and met her gaze hesitantly, feeling the weight of her eyes upon him.

“Are you certain what your nephew and I share is truly a Force Bond?” Rey asked him, her voice a mixture of terror and resignation.

He could not lie to her and tell her that it would resolve itself. If anything, the Bond they shared would only grow deeper the longer they remained in each other’s heads. It mattered little, anyway. As long as Rey continued to grow in the Force, Kylo Ren’s signature would seek her out and be drawn to her no matter what. Luke knew that Rey feared this would be a death sentence. But he actually had a glimmer of hope that maybe…perhaps…it was a good thing. 

Ben had been plunged into darkness at such an early age. He’d never had the compassion or the strength of someone like Rey in his life. He hated to think of using Rey for such an arduous task, but what if Rey had been brought into Ben’s life for this very purpose? Could she accomplish what Han, Leia, and Luke himself had failed to do?

Could Rey bring Ben Solo home? 

Could her presence in his life show him that all was not lost…that he could find peace and happiness and leave the darkness and destruction behind him? Rey was certainly Ben’s equal, or was at least fast becoming it. Perhaps that was his destiny after all. Meeting Rey, falling in love with her. If that was the price for Ben’s soul, then it would be worth it. He would rather have Ben be a regular man with no Force powers and the love of good woman like Rey, than be a Jedi or a Knight of Ren and die alone in his self-imposed prison of hatred. 

And what of Rey’s feelings? She was desperately trying to become a Jedi, and the Force was very strong with her. But what if the Force within her was only Ben’s…transferred to her through their Bond? It was true that Rey had potential. But was it all her, or merely Ben’s influence? Could his nephew have grown so powerful as to transfer his power to a non-Force sensitive, simply through reading her mind? If that were the case, then Luke had truly underestimated Ben’s power. What if Anakin Skywalker wasn’t the Chosen One after all? What if it were Ben? And what if Snoke knew this all along, and was using Ben in a sinister way that none of them had even imagined? 

Snoke had targeted his nephew so young…and Luke had failed him by not seeing the turmoil he had been going through. Just how powerful was Ben Solo?

Suddenly, the wheels began to turn inside Luke’s mind. This would change everything. Anakin had merely been a tool for Palpatine to carry out his plot to rule the galaxy. He had been a loyal lap dog, a bully. But what Snoke was doing to Ben was much worse. He had turned Ben into a weapon of destruction. He was taking the soul of Ben Solo and leaving behind an empty shell. Soon, there would be nothing left of the humanoid he once called nephew. 

Rey had told Luke that even now, Leia felt there was still light in her son. It dawned on Luke that Ben was desperately clinging to that sliver of light, even while he tried to banish it by killing Han. Perhaps there was something there still to save. Ben was hanging on, his psyche not even realizing that what he was clinging to was the light in Rey. 

Maybe, there was still hope.

His kind blue eyes gazed at Rey with compassion and pity. The road ahead for her would not be easy. But if this was the will of the Force, then she would succeed.

“Yes, Padawan. I am certain. You and my nephew have a powerful Bond. And right now, I feel you have the upper hand. You might think he does, as he is much stronger in the Force than you are. But in reality, you hold all the cards here, Rey.” He said kindly.

Rey balked at that.

“But…how?” She whispered, truly stumped. She had only been made aware of her Force abilities recently. Kylo Ren had been a powerful dark side user for nearly half his life. It just didn’t make sense to her, what Luke was implying.

The old Jedi grinned, cupping his chin and rubbing the course hair there.

“Kylo Ren is very powerful. And I would bid you to not underestimate that. But it is clear to me now from what you’ve told me that he has a weakness. A clink in his armor. And that clink is you, Rey. You moved him. Something in you, when he spoke of your loneliness, struck a chord within him. Not only did you show him how strong you are, despite your circumstances, but you defeated him. A lesser man would want to seek revenge for that. Yet I feel the last thing he wants is to kill you. He respects you. And Kylo Ren respects no one. Except perhaps that creature he calls Master. And even that, I feel, is blind trust. You are real. You are good. You are light. And the fact that he shares your dreams and willingly comes to you shows that he is drawn to that light. Drawn to you. I can’t tell you what that means, Rey. Even if I could, you would probably not like it. But I tell you this now, as the burden of your Bond with him has left you no choice. One day, you must be willing to either kill him, or save him. Do you have the strength to do either? And killing him might not mean what you think, in terms of black and white.” He said enigmatically.

Rey stood frozen in the doorway, one hand on the frame. She felt her heart lurch in her chest. While the sensation wasn’t entirely unpleasant, it did give her a chill. She bit her lip roughly, not sure exactly if she could come to grips with this. If she killed Kylo Ren in the metaphorical sense, would that mean Ben Solo could come back?  
Yet as the shock of Luke’s revelation was harsh, there was something that gave her pause. She narrowed her eyes at him thoughtfully.

“Your Sister, even now, thinks that there is still light in him. That he can be redeemed, and brought back to the Light. What do you think, Master?” Rey asked him earnestly, her small hand tightening upon the doorjamb as she watched the emotions her words evoked swirl around in his blue eyes.

She hadn’t known the legendary Master Jedi long, but she could sense an uneasiness about him that was hard to mistake. Her question had opened up further a still gaping wound. He had no doubt considered that very question countless times before…even before she’d shown up on this island.

Luke opened his mouth to speak, before halting his tongue and looking at offering her a look she could have sworn was laced with pity. 

“I think…it’s time for you to begin your meditation exercises. Go.” Luke said calmly, turning away from her to cross his legs as he began meditating himself.

Rey nodded obediently, watching him for a brief moment before leaving him in silence. The subject of Ben Solo was closed.

For now. 

Luke leaned back in the chair, watching Rey leave the hut with pensive eyes. He had much to ponder now. Much to meditate upon. 

*************************************************************************************************

'Focus, boy! Remember the hate! Remember the anger! Remember what that scavenger stands for. Remember what she did to you. Remember the hideous scar on your face, Kylo Ren. She did that. Let the pain of it flow through you like boiling lava.' Snoke had sneered, not releasing the dark Knight from his fierce mental clutches.

“Ah…” Ren moaned in agony at the memory; in trying with all of his strength to allow his Master to take over his mind, mold it and bend it like warm metal to his liking so that this torment would be over. It was easier to give in to the pain. That way, it lasted merely seconds compared to the eternity of resisting. Yet the pain gave way to more anger, more hate. And though it should have made things better, it only served to make them worse. The more anger he felt, the more he hurt. The more he hurt, the more anger he felt. It was a vicious cycle that never gave him the peace Supreme Leader had promised. Kylo began to wonder if that was Snoke’s intention all along. 

Let him suffer, let him ache…following him blindly like an automaton but never giving him relief. 

Deep seeds of hatred began to attach themselves to the flora of Ren’s mind, and not for the Resistance, or his uncle or his mother or…Rey. 

No. The hatred which began to fester there belonged to Snoke, and he alone.

‘Snoke is using you for your power. Once he gets what he wants he’ll crush you. You know it’s true.’

Ren closed his eyes, pushing those words to the deepest depths of his mind. Hiding them. Burying them. Snoke could never know that while he had refuted the words spoken by the man he had so mercilessly killed, he had, in fact, believed them.

"Oh, Father…I’m so sorry." Ren whispered aloud, not even recognizing his tormented tone.

More words to be buried deep, never to be found out. Kylo’s mind was a deep cavern of hidden desires and fears. It was only in his dreams that he could unleash his true feelings, allowing them to wander the halls of his tortured soul.

Since returning from Star Killer base, Snoke had stepped up Kylo’s training. Day in and day out, he fought a grueling battle of physical and mental exercises designed to break him. He sensed, as his Master did, that there still remained a glimmer of light in him. It hadn’t been fully extinguished with the killing of Han Solo, as Supreme Leader Snoke had hoped. Instead, the fault line in Kylo Ren’s heart had widened even further, allowing a sliver of grief and guilt to infiltrate his nearly dead soul. 

What was even more disturbing, was his growing pull to that…girl. 

He felt her everywhere he went, like a specter that was shadowing him. She was in his mind, in his soul…in the very air that he breathed. 

And he hated her for it.

But he lied to himself. It wasn’t truly hate he felt; not in the slightest. It was something equally as strong and desperate, something he wouldn’t dare give name to. For there was no way what he felt could be…that.

It had been three months, and he still could not get past it. He prayed to the darkest master’s of the force to end this nightmare and let him just succumb to the darkness. He prayed to his grandfather to show him the way to immerse himself in the darkness completely. The death mask sat in his chamber, mocking Kylo Ren with its silence. He was alone. As he had always been. 

As he would always be.

On those days when Snoke was especially brutal, Ren wished he had the courage to end it all; turn his saber upon himself and commit suicide. It all seemed so pointless now, so meaningless. A year ago, five years ago…he would have welcomed the sadistic training with open arms. But now…he only wanted to forget who he was. What he stood for. What he’d done. Oh…It would be so easy to forget it all. 

To forget her. 

Day after day, he battled. And night after night, he bled. His dreams never ceased, always torturing him with visions of that damn girl and her touch. The way she had cupped his cheek with tenderness. The way she had gazed into his eyes with understanding. 

The way she called his given name…right before she fell off that cliff and met her destiny.

He had fallen into a deep sleep tonight, dreaming something so disturbing that he’d woken up drenched in sweat and battling a crippling longing that had left him shocked.

He’d been walking through the forest on Takodanna, saber less and without his helmet. He found himself at a tree that was so tall its limbs reached the sky. Looking up he spotted blue sky through the tight foliage, marveling at the way the sunlight filtered through. Being in deep space for so long, he often forgot the beauty of the sky which wasn’t black and clustered with stars. He remembered as a child sitting outside in sunlight and watching the puffy white clouds float above him. 

Banishing those memories he touched the tree, feeling its rough bark against his gloved fingers. Digging his fingers into it, he wondered how it was he could feel it.

He felt a presence behind him and he startled. That last person he had expected to see was her. She had previously only come to him in 'that' dream. His senses were heightened now, but he detected no danger.  
They stared at each other silently, Ren’s eyes widening as he watched her. Until now, he had only seen Rey one time in the sunlight; right here where they were standing now. It seemed like an eternity ago, when he had first come across her here. To see her hazel eyes shine in the sun and watch the light bounce off of her hair stirred something within him. She was beautiful. How had he never realized it before? He had once called her a desert rat. His disregard for her grieved him now, as her almond shaped eyes traveled his face searching for something he did not know.

“Why are you here?” He rasped out, finally. His voice was full of confusion and something he was afraid to admit. 

“I…you called to me.” Rey answered gently, her face still guarded. Yet her voice…her voice was tender.

Kylo narrowed his eyes in confusion.

“I…didn’t. I never—“ 

Rey took a few steps closer to him, effectively silencing him. He watched in terror as she came within a hairs breath away. The dark Knight took a cautious step backward.

“You didn’t have to. I felt your pain. I sensed that you needed me. So…here I am.” She said simply, her voice soft.

Kylo blinked at that once. Twice. Three times.

“Needed you…” He echoed, his mouth falling open in lazy befuddlement. The truth dawned on him harshly, and he winced. “Need you.” He said brokenly, his mask of indifference falling away and Ben Solo flashing in his eyes for the briefest of seconds. 

Yet it was enough for Rey to see the human beneath the veneer of the monster, and her hazel eyes took on a glassy sheen of tenderness.

And that tenderness was aimed at him. Not merely at Ben Solo, but Kylo Ren. The soft look she gave him made his insides quake. No woman had ever looked at him in such a way, and it rocked him to his very core. He nearly passed out when her lips slowly spread in a warm, tentative smile. He stared at her in shock, rooted to the ground but feeling nothing beneath his feet.

“Leave this place. Come away with me. We could be happy. We could leave all of this death and destruction behind. I can be your shelter, Kylo. And you…you can be mine. We could be each other’s family. Finally…we could have what we both missed out on.” She said passionately, yet her mouth never moved. He heard her thoughts crystal clear in his head, and the words made his breath stutter. 

All at once, Kylo saw a future laid out before him that clenched his heart and squeezed painfully. Yes, he needed her. He wanted her. Desperately. She was his equal. She was his weakness. She was his strength. She could give him compassion, acceptance, a home. She could give him refuge, power, shelter. She could give him children, a warm bed, pleasure like he’d never know. She could give him hope, tenderness, love. She could give him equality in battle; fighting alongside him and making him proud of her skills and her strength. She was magnificent. He’d never met her equal, and he was certain he never would. She belonged to him. With him. And he belonged to her. He’d known it from the first; too frightened and shaken to see it clearly. The Force didn’t only create her for him, it created him for her. It was inevitable. So why was he fighting it so determinedly? 

And oh…what he would give her in return. What wouldn’t he give her? Nothing. She would take it all and he would give it willingly.

“Rey…” He murmured brokenly, dropping to his knees on the thicket of the forest floor and bowing before her. “Why can’t I break free from the chains of you? Why won’t you leave me?” He cried, surprise mingling with delight when she reached out and ran a shaking hand through his thick locks.

“Maybe because…I need you too. Maybe I don’t want to leave you. Maybe I can’t. Maybe I want y-” 

The whispered confession startled Kylo and his head shot up to stare disbelievingly into her eyes. He saw fear there at her words, but also acceptance as she began to fade rapidly, her remaining words left unsaid. The forest faded around him before he could reply to her, taking her image with it. He found himself suspended in space, tetherless and alone. 

“Come back to me!” He screamed, sounding like a wild animal that had been snared in a trap. He woke up screaming, the cool darkness of his quarters absorbing his cries as the stars drifted across the windows surrounding his bed. 

Swinging his legs over the side, he jumped up and paced the length of his room in a panic. 

‘Maybe because I need you too. Maybe because I want you.’

No. It couldn’t be. There was no way that…girl…needed him. Wanted him. He was deluding himself. His mind was playing tricks on him. It wasn’t really her. It couldn’t have been. It was just a dream. It wasn’t real…

Yet he still felt her touch on his scalp, her tender fingers caressing his hair so soothingly. 

It couldn’t be real. Why? How could she want anything from him? She hated him. 

Didn’t she?

He was losing his mind, he surmised bitterly. He needed to get out of here. Dressing quickly, he fled his quarters and stalked to the bridge. Even at this time of night, there were numerous personal milling about and he avoided the curious stares of them as they wondered what in the hell the Master of Ren was doing here so late.

He was back aboard the Finalizer after days at Snoke’s mercy, the Supreme Leader demanding he take care of some matters aboard the ship. Ren welcomed the respite away from his sinister Master if for no other reason than to be feared again, rather than be fearful. The massive crew still walked on eggshells around the Master Knight, avoiding his gaze whenever possible. 

His visage hidden by his mask, Ren gazed out across the endless vacuum of space from the bridge. As it had countless times over the last three months, his mind drifted to an ocean. To an island. To where he knew she was right now, at this very moment…

Hiding. 

Training. 

Most likely, with him. 

She was growing ever more powerful. He could feel it. She was already a force to be reckoned with. He shuddered to think of Rey in all of her glory once she was fully trained. The thought aroused and delighted him where it should have angered and worried him. 

Ren inhaled shakily, gripping a railing for support and hoping no one read too much into the maneuver. His dream of Rey had left him shaking inside, and his fingers trembled upon the polished metal. He tightened his grip, trying to calm his thunderous heartbeat that threatened to burst through his chest.

He sensed a presence beside him that made the hair on the back of his neck bristle. He hated this man deeply, wishing that he could snuff out his life right here on this bridge. What the hell was he doing here at this hour anyway? Didn’t the worm ever sleep? 

“I see you are still in one piece, after Supreme Leader’s lessons. Perhaps there is hope for you yet, Ren. After all, the Leader has placed all of his faith in you.” Hux said calmly, and Ren could have sworn he heard a note of disappointment in his voice.

Turning his head slightly, Ren narrowed his eyes and stared down at the sadistic general with disdain. The mask afforded Ren the luxury of hiding his hatred for the scheming sycophant. 

“I can see how pleased you are for my success.” Ren said scathingly, his voice distorted by his mask’s vocal apparatus. 

Hux offered Ren a sinister smile, laced with contempt. He took a step closer to Ren with what the Knight thought to be an act of challenge. Yet he merely stood his ground, the urge to reach out with the Force and choke the man growing.

“Come now, Ren. We are on the same side after all. And be reasonable. You are to blame for the turn of events on Star Killer base. You disobeyed a direct order in finding the droid, focusing instead on that insignificant girl. Not only did she best you in a game of power, you allowed her to escape by knowing she was more dangerous than you had assumed. If you had just done what was expected of you with torturing that scavenger scum, then none of this would have happened. It was your compassion for her and your inability to recover the droid that set us back. You can’t expect me to rejoice in your failings, now can you? You allowed her and her insignificant friends to destroy what I worked so hard to build. The blood of those who didn’t make it off the base is on your hands.”Hux said quietly, his tone lethal.

Ren clenched his teeth behind the mask, his eyes blazing fury at the man he believed to be a whiney teacher’s pet. Everything he said was true…it was Ren’s fault. And as a warrior, he could take his punishment for his failings. 

Yet something flung itself to the forefront of his mind; something eerily chilling: Hux’s words about her.

They made his blood boil.

Scavenger scum…

Torturing her…

He swallowed harshly, grateful his mask hid his expression of murderous rage. Turning around, he concentrated on the stars. The idea of doing such a thing to her had never even crossed his lexicon. He knew at the time he shouldn’t have cared what became of, like Hux said, an insignificant scavenger. Yet when he removed his mask for the first time in her presence, gazing upon her with his own eyes and allowing her to do the same…something shifted inside of him.

He felt the ice creep into his blood again at the memory, as he’d done since that fateful day. She had been afraid of course, as any rightminded person would have been in that situation. But there was something else there too, beyond the fear.

A connection between them, and it was unmistakable.

He had flown from one end of the galaxy to the other, both as a child of Han Solo’s and as a Knight of Ren. And he had never felt a Force connection so strongly with anyone, living or dead. Closing his eyes, Ren remembered the feeling of shock that threatened to suffocate him when he had realized that he was no longer inside of her thoughts, but that she was inside of his.

Beside him, the General smirked calculatingly.

“I’m sorry, Master Ren. Did I hit a nerve?” Hux asked in amusement, pushing his luck.

Ren’s fists tightened, but he maintained his composure. Hux was trying to goad him, and it wasn’t going to work.

‘I’m not giving you anything’…

He remembered Rey’s words to him that day, when he tried to extract the maps whereabouts from her thoughts. He found himself whispering those same words to himself now, aimed at General Hux. A moment passed in silence before Ren gathered his composure. He dared not look at Hux, for fear he would break every bone in his body.

“I would advise you to keep opinions to yourself on matters you know nothing about.” Ren whispered, his voice a mask of indifference. “And do not act like you care about the souls who perished on Star Killer Base. You would sell your own mother’s soul for a chance to rule alongside Supreme Leader. You paint me as a monster, yet I wasn’t the one who ordered the destruction of the Hosnian System.” 

Hux pursed his lips, knowing he should quit while he was ahead. But of course, he didn’t.

“Ah. I see. You expected us to build a weapon of that magnitude, and never use it. Why do you care, Ren? You aren’t growing soft, are you? Supreme Leader would be so…disappointed. I must admit, I know little of your ridiculous religion and that Force you go on about. But something tells me your Master wouldn’t take too kindly to the fact you are filled with so much compassion over those lost souls. Souls of our enemies, I should remind you.” Hux taunted. 

'The enemy of my enemy is my friend,' Ren thought, wishing for the millionth time that he could erase this man's vile presence from the galaxy. 

Ren allowed a harsh sigh to escape him, the sound more aggravated than weary. He took a step closer to the General, staring him down through the visor. To his credit, Hux didn’t so much as flinch.

“If I were you, General…I would stop concerning yourself with my business and matters of the Force and worry about your own shortcomings. I may have brought the ground strike to Star Killer by my taking of the girl, but let’s not forget that you left the base defenseless for the airstrike that ensued. They were able to destroy the planet by taking out the thermal oscillator. The girl may have beaten me, but the entire Resistance bested you and your little toy.” Ren said with venom.

For the briefest moment, Hux bristled with fury. His icy blue eyes flickered unadulterated rage, before a curtain of indifference fell across his gaze. With calculated precision, he smiled cruelly at Ren. 

“As you say, Ren. I played a role in that failure, as well. My apologies. Perhaps we both need to rethink our strategies in this war.” He said cordially, stepping aside graciously but keeping his hawklike gaze fixed upon his nemesis.

Ren frowned, fearing that Hux’s words hit too close to home. He was rethinking his strategy. He was always rethinking. That, was the problem.

“I will be in my quarters.” Ren said emotionlessly, turning to leave.

It was late, and he was tired. It would do well for him to rest now, while he could, before returning to his Master for further torment in the guise of training. Sighing in anger, Ren sat down in the chair in his room and removed his mask. The chilled air of the room felt good upon his still healing flesh, and he found himself touching the scar which marred his features now. Looking up, his eyes connected in the mirror across the room and he gazed in horror at the disfigurement. 

He wanted to hate her for this. He really did. But he found that somehow, he just couldn’t. In the heat of battle, scars were inevitable. He couldn’t fault her for fighting for her life, and wounding him in the process. A part of him felt a strange pang of pride for her. She was small and delicate, yet possessed so much strength and courage. She’d bested a Knight of Ren with one saber fight. That never happened. 

Ever.

So despite his dread and his loathing, his admiration for her only grew. 

As did this strange bond between them, which disturbed him immensely.

He could feel her growing stronger in the Force. She was a threat to him, and the First Order, as Supreme Leader had foreseen. She would bring them all down, if she wasn’t stopped. And Snoke had assigned him the formidable task to do just that...

Dispatch the scavenger girl named Rey. Swiftly.

Ren sighed shakily, his thoughts a whirl of negative emotions. Rising, he went to lay upon his bed and attempt to rest. He knew what awaited him when he submitted to slumber. Yet those few short moments before he succembed were quiet and blissful. He shut out everything else, save for the power of the Force. And it wasn’t the Light side or the Dark side he channeled, just the energy. His eyes grew heavy, as did his limbs. The cool air around him began to feel charged. That was when he heard it. 

Faintly at first. But then, stronger. 

“Ben. Ben Solo…please hear me.”

Snapping his eyes open, Ren tried to sit up but was paralyzed. That voice…

A deep gasp escaped his lips, as he tried to focus on it once again. It was stronger now…louder.

“I know that you’re there. I can feel you. Please listen to me, Ben. You don’t have to do this. You have a choice. No matter what you’ve done, you can go home. They miss you. They want you back, Ben. Don’t do this. It will only bring you pain.” The voice implored, and Ren could hear the sorrow behind it.

Sorrow? For him?

Impossible.

“You…You don’t know what you’re talking about. I do not have a choice. This is my destiny. This is what…I want. Leave me alone.” Ren said in his mind, his voice unable to work.

It was one thing for her to come to him in dreams. But in his living hours…

He felt a strange feeling then, one that he knew was his mind playing tricks on him. He felt a tender touch on his cheek, caressing his scar. He shut his eyes tightly, trying to push away the feelings of joy he was feeling. He was the Master of the Knights of Ren. He didn’t feel joy.

Yet as the moments wore on, he couldn’t deny that her touch sparked an even greater need in him than it did while he was asleep. Gods help him if she ever touched him while standing beside him. Like she did earlier in the dream, when she ran her fingers through his hair.

“No…” He muttered half-heartedly, a battle raging within.

“Deep down, you know that not to be true. It is what your Master wants, Ben. Not you. Your destiny is to be a Master of Light. You have so much good inside. I know you think it’s been snuffed out, but you’re wrong. You can still come back. You do have a choice, Ben. No one is beyond redemption. Han knew that. That’s why he forgave you. He knew what you would do, Ben. And he tried anyway.” Rey said tenderly.

Ren’s eyes snapped open, and he used all of his power to mentally push her hand off of him. His breathing accelerated rapidly, and he could feel the anger gaining ground inside of his veins. How dare she mention…him.

“Get. Out. Of. My. Head.” He spat menacingly, using Rey’s own words back to her. But it was his next words which left a sickening stench inside of his mouth and a sharp pain searing through his body. He knew these words would wound, and that was his intent. Wound her, injure her. Make her leave him. “You disgusting scavenger scum. Stay out of my dreams. Stay out of my head. Or so help me…you will suffer.”

All at once, the connection was severed. Ren rolled over, gagging and panting and feeling like vomiting as a dizzying feeling left him spinning where he lay.

Ren felt her pull back from their Bond, the connection snapping like a rubber band. He jolted from the bed, realizing that the impact was actually her pain he was feeling at his insult to her. While he had called her a scavenger before, he’d never said it with such contempt. Nor with the added insult of disgusting scum attached to it. He gasped in revulsion at how it made him feel to hurt her in such a way. She was strong, for sure. And could hold her own with anything thrown at her. Yet she was still a delicate woman, a girl really…and an innocent one at that. He could surmise that she was pure of body, heart, and mind. Such an insult would hit her square in the heart and he found that it pained him to know he was the cause. 

‘Maybe because…I need you too.’

Oh, Rey. I'm...sorry.

Ren whimpered, feeling a lance in his heart digging deeply. He doubled over in pain, hating himself. No one had ever bothered to want to understand his side of things before; no one had ever cared. Maybe it was truly her respect for Han and Leia that prompted Rey to come to him, but common sense told him that it was more. He was too afraid to believe that a bright star like Rey would ever deem him worthy enough to even look upon, let alone care for. 

A dark, putrid thought wrapped itself around his heart like a vise. If the Supreme Leader even sensed Rey in Kylo's heart, then she was as good as dead. If he didn't step up his plans and order Ren to kill her personally, then Snoke would no doubt order the Knights of Ren to finish the job that Kylo couldn't.

No...he couldn't allow Rey to die. He wouldn't.

Nauseated and exhausted, Ren rolled over and grasped his head in his hands.

“I’m being torn apart.” He cried to his cold, lonely room. 

The tears came freely now, and he allowed them to. The problem was, they weren't cleansing or forgiving. They burned his face and the scar which adorned it, reminding him that peace was not a luxury he could afford. 

That was the price to pay, for being a monster.


	3. "...Kisses are a better fate than wisdom..." e.e. cummings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well...the Chapter title says it all.

~Chapter 3~

Kylo tossed and turned restlessly, his body sweating and his mind over stimulated. Oh, Force…not again.

Steeling himself, Ren pinched his eyes closed as tightly as he could. He shook his head from side to side, praying like he’d never prayed before that when he again opened them, he wouldn’t be on that cliff. 

“It isn’t real. It isn’t real.” His dream self said repeatedly, refusing to give in to the nightmare that had plagued him for months. 

After crying himself to sleep earlier for his unforgiving words towards Rey, Kylo had hoped fervently that he would get a respite from the ghost of her tonight. He warred with himself over wanting to see her again, and knowing if he did it would only sink him further into the depths of despair. He had tried to shut his half of the Bond down, as he was certain Rey would do after his treatment of her. 

How wrong he was, though. His desert flower was only regrouping, not retreating. Why she was even bothering to attempt to ‘save’ him, he had no clue. It should have enraged him, her meddling in his life like this. But it didn’t…if anything, it only made the fissure in his heart open wider. Soon, it would be wide enough for her to infiltrate completely. 

Force help him, then. 

“Go away. You don’t belong here. You’re not real. You're just a vapor…” He said helplessly, yet he could already feel her presence surrounding him.

He began to pant, real fear taking root in his heart.

“I belong where you belong, Kylo Ren. If you will not come to me, than I will come to you. It's that simple. I am much stronger than you give me credit for. I am not so easily beaten by a few ill-chosen words. Besides…I know what I am. You pointing that out to me isn’t really news.” Rey said steadily, yet the tone of her voice told Kylo that what he’d said to her had wounded her.

Deeply.

Kylo bit his lip so hard that he tasted blood. Sighing angrily, he placed his hands over his face to block out he light that her aura was displaying. He was fighting a losing battle, and he knew it. 

“I…I’m sorry. I don’t think you are that low, or beneath me. Especially not me,” Kylo whispered brokenly.

He turned around, trying to get his bearings and perhaps escape this dream. His hopes were futile at best; there was no escaping her. Not now.

“I know you didn’t mean it. I…I felt it. I heard you crying. I…I’m sorry for intruding. That was private.” Rey said with kindness, embarrassing and soothing him in the same breath.

Kylo turned around, yet he still shielded his eyes. 

“Why are you doing this to me, Rey? Why can’t you leave me alone? There is nothing in me but death and destruction and darkness. Your attempts to sway me are for naught. You know that, don’t you?” Kylo asked her seriously, yet his voice was hollow like he didn’t believe his own words.

Rey sighed loudly, the sound reverberating in Kylo’s ears. It was a lamenting sound, full of pain.

“I know nothing but what I see, Kylo Ren. Nothing but what I feel. I see you…the man inside so desperate to flee. I feel you; the remnants of Ben Solo that feel lost and alone. I feel your pain, I share it. The question you should be asking yourself is…what are you doing to me? I was fine on Jakku, minding my own business. I asked for none of this, and yet I am bound to you now and I cannot fathom how or why. What did you do to me on Star Killer Base?” She asked him desperately, and for the first time Kylo realized that this Bond between them was taking its toll on her, as well.

Daring to open his eyes and face her, Kylo lowered his face and moved his hand away. The light was blinding now, burning his eyelids and making him wince. When he opened his eyes and met her beseeching gaze, all he felt was resignation. He suddenly felt to blame for all of this, due to his ill-fated desire for her and his curiosity which led to him taking her in the first place. Powerful or not, she was an innocent woman who had been dragged into this mess; if for nothing else, but her generous and caring heart. Of all the people in the galaxy for her to become acquainted with, it just HAD to have been his father. 

Force damn it all, he thought bitterly. 

Kylo pursed his lips, swallowing the copious amount of fluid in his mouth before he spoke.

“I…I didn’t mean for this to happen, Rey. I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. And I’m sorry for the Bond that is now between us. I’m certain you are disgusted and angry at this turn of events. If I could change it…I would. But I cannot.” He said apologetically, probably the most sorry he’d been for anything in years.

Save what happened on that bridge on Star Killer Base…

Kylo closed his eyes to not see Rey’s scorn at his pitiful attempt at an apology, yet all he heard was a loud gasp. All he felt was Rey’s concern. For HIM. Snapping his eyes up, he gazed upon her silently and with wonder. She didn’t look angry or disgusted; far from it. She looked almost…hopeful. As though his words had greatly pleased her. 

To his monumental surprise, Rey took two steps forward towards him until she stood toe to toe with him. He looked down upon her in shock, so close to her that he could see the hazel specks in her eyes. 

Hesitantly, Rey reached out and placed one of her palms on top of Kylo’s chest right over his heart. Kylo’s eyes widened as her small, calloused fingers ran down his chest in a hurried frenzy. Over planes and muscles they roamed impatiently, tugging at his surcoat in a fierce grip. For a moment, Kylo feared that Rey was going to kill him. That this was all a ruse to gain his trust and get inside to hurt him. But that thought quickly evaporated when in the next instant, Rey leaned up on her tip toes and came dangerously close to his mouth. 

“Kylo…kiss me. Please...show me there is still a man in there, and not merely a creature in a mask.” The voice prayed in reverence, the lips attached to it sliding up to suckle on his neck…his throat…his chin. They couldn’t reach his mouth unless she stood taller on tip toes or he bent down, so that’s exactly what he did. 

Did he want to kiss her? Force, yes. 

Dropping onto what appeared to be a large boulder, he tugged her forward until she landed between his open legs with her chest against his and her hands automatically latching into his hair for leverage. He groaned deeply and his eyes rolled back as she pressed her body fully against him, sinking in bonelessly as though he were a feather bed. Her heartbeat drummed against his chest mercilessly, and he knew that she was just as affected by him as he was by her.

She gained her balance, standing straight which put her lips at his chin level. Without further thought or preamble, he pushed forward and kissed her on the lips with an open mouth. Ren balled his hands into fists as the succulent lips he had dreamt about moved against his, clumsily yet with a sweet passion that moved him beyond words. 

No one had touched him this way, ever; with curious, tender hands and a mouth that tasted of honey and felt like silk. He hadn’t even lain with a courtesan, or a whore, or anyone else. He hadn’t even experienced a first kiss before he fell to the Dark Side; never knew that sweet feeling of losing yourself in a whirlwind of passion that a crush or an infatuation could produce. 

No.

His first crush, his first infatuation, his first Mistress…had been to the Dark Side. He’d forsaken all others. 

Until now.

She brushed her satiny tongue against his own, tentatively at first but then bolder when he responded with vigor. She rolled it around his own, before running it along the sensitive skin behind Ren’s upper lip. Ren trembled and let loose a moan of sheer delight. She mimicked the action again, this time behind his lower lip before pulling the plump appendage into her mouth and sucking on it like a boiled sweet. This time, it was she who moaned, as though the act of doing this aroused her beyond belief. 

"Oh...there you are. Not so much a creature, then." Rey whispered lovingly against his mouth, placing both hands upon Kylo's cheeks and stroking them tenderly. Her fingers ghosted over his scar, and he wanted to weep.

He felt helpless and hot and so damned turned on that he began to squirm.

“Your mouth…it’s so beautiful. All of you…so beautiful.” She murmured, her warm breath rushing into his mouth and mingling with his own. 

Ren pulled away slightly from her and blinked in confusion, his eyes fluttering wildly as he took in her words.

“W-What?” He stuttered, his voice sounding thinner that air. She thought him beautiful? He...a monster?

His demand was met with more kisses. More suckles. More bites and soothing passes with her tongue. She rendered him helpless with this onslaught of sensory overload, her hands performing their own mastery against his scalp as she slid nimble fingers through his thick locks. Down the sides of his face. Before moving up and down the tight pecs of his chest and back up to his neck, at least with what she could reach due to his attire. All the while, their tongues danced and their lips caressed and it was bliss. 

"Rey...please." He groaned painfully, not sure what he was begging her for. To stop? To continue? To save him?

She pulled back, panting against his face and placed her forehead against his. His lips were thoroughly raw from her sensual attack, but he couldn’t have cared less. They tingled and were numb and all he cared about was feeling them upon hers again, over and over. His beautiful desert flower…

Once, he had wanted to crush her under his boot. But now…

Now, he only wanted to shield her. Protect her. Covet her. Cherish her. Keep her safe.

“I was…I was wrong. Your mouth isn’t beautiful. You aren’t beautiful.” She rasped out, unable to breathe properly as she tore herself away from his swollen lips.

Ren’s face fell at that, his already confused thoughts tumbling even further into melancholy. He had always been self-conscious about his looks, from his earliest days. Being too tall and gangly as a youngling led to being too tall and massive now. He had broad shoulders, a chest, and a back which barely fit through some doorways now. His hair had always been very feminine; thick and glossy and so dark. Women and men alike had always starred at it strangely; the men no doubt in scorn that he looked ridiculous and the women in scorn because perhaps they were jealous. Along with the need to keep his identity a secret, he preferred the mask to hide behind because of that. His ears had always been big, which is why he’d usually left his hair longer to hide them. It seemed the longer his hair was, the stranger people reacted to it.

And then there was his mouth.

His lips were too big and plush for the face of Master of the Knights of Ren; Dark Side user and galaxy Warlord. And while men’s lips were usually pale, his were the color of berries. It embarrassed him, really. He did not like his appearance at all, and even found himself avoiding the looking glass whenever he could. He preferred to see a hardened face staring back at him; not the delicate features of a confused and gentle man. His face held too much humanity; his features mismatched and odd. He never considered himself handsome or desirable. Not in the slightest. If anything, he was peculiar.

And secretly, in the depths of his soul, he feared that she felt the same way.

Until she spoke again. 

“Your mouth…it’s not merely beautiful. It's perfect. Maker…YOU are perfect. Magnificent. Every part of you. So handsome. So perfect. You take my breath away.” She admitted quietly, running her nose against his in a sweet kiss that he found heartbreakingly endearing. 

Ren pulled back suddenly, eyes black with shock.

“I don’t understand.” He murmured, watching her every move like a hawk. 

She moved her lips across his chastely, before sliding up to kiss his cheek. His brow. His nose. The side of his neck. The lobe of one ear. Ren panted heavily, fear warring with lust and a strangling feeling of tenderness.

“You are perfect.” She repeated, her voice steady and serious. Her eyes roamed the length of him in such a scrutinizing way that he felt naked under her perusal. “Just look at you. The moment I laid eyes on you, I was lost. You knew it, didn't you. You felt it. Regal, handsome…you are the most exquisite man I have ever seen. I could travel a billion star systems and never find a man that evokes from me the feelings that you do. And your spirit…so strong. You are so intelligent. Dynamic. You could bring balance to the Force and make everything worthy and right again. You could bring peace, not destruction. You are a fierce warrior; people fear you, but you could use that power to make people follow you. Not in fear, but in respect. You’re a Prince. There is so much light in you, still. The light of your grandmother. Of your mother. Strong, royal blood. Yet you choose to linger here, in this darkness, with that vile creature. He robs you of every shred of your blinding beauty, and tries to replace it with his ugliness. He is so jealous of you; jealous of your majesty, and jealous of what you could become without his poisoning. That is why he stole you from your parent's. That is why he will steal you from me, unless you fight him. I want to hold you. Draw you out of this. Bring you to a place where your light can shine. Not be hidden away and destroyed. I want to touch you. Share things with you. Be with you. I fight against it, but I am unable to resist you. It must have been here, all the time. But I can’t be with you…not like this. Not while you choose death and darkness and hatred. I love you too much to watch you succumb to your fate. He will destroy you. And in destroying you, he will destroy me.” She said with heartbreak.

Ren felt angry at her words. Yet he realized with clarity that he wasn’t angry at her. He was angry at himself. Everything she spoke was true. He knew it. And yet he didn’t have the strength or the courage to attain it.  
His eyes opened wide as he gazed at the beauty that was his Scavenger, everything falling away as he realized through a haze of dream smoke what she had said.

I love you too much to watch you succumb to your fate. 

I love you too much.

I love you.

What???

Kylo slid off of the rock he was perched upon. Or did it disappear? He hadn’t a clue, and cared not. He knew he was dreaming. It was only a dream. Real Rey would never, ever admit to such a thing, let alone feel it. But the look in her eyes as he gazed at her in shock told him the stark truth: it was true. 

Somewhere, in the depths of her most secrets thoughts, she felt something strong for him. Love. The emotion was different that that of his mother, his father, or his uncle. It was deep and passionate; lush and full. It seeped into his bones and made him feel drugged. 

“You…you what?” He rasped, disbelief coursing through him.

Rey stared at him with watery eyes, as though her words had shocked her. How could she love him? She barely knew him, and what there was to know was dangerous and soul destroying. Ren could only shake his head back and forth, trying to wake himself up. 

"You...you can't love me. You can't." Kylo yelled defiantly, trying to pretend that it wasn't truth Rey spoke. How could it be? How could he dare to hope...to believe?

But Rey didn't answer him, merely gazing at him wordlessly.

"Say something!" Ren ordered frantically, shaking her shoulders as roughly as he dared.

Rey yielded to him, allowing him to have his outburst.

“I...I must. I must feel something so srongly for you, to want you to return so badly. But not like this. You’re going down a path that I cannot follow. You will be lost to me, Kylo Ren. I...I don't want that to happen.” Rey said finally, her voice strained. 

To Kylo, it sounded like she was reading words from a holo, like they weren’t even her own. They were someone else's words, spoken so very long ago. He felt it to the marrow of his bones, but didn't know why. Yet the look she leveled him with told him that she believed them.

He wanted to scream. He opened his mouth, but Rey disappeared before his eyes, leaving him alone and empty. 

"No! Don’t leave me here. Please…REY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed, finally finding his voice too late. 

He woke up clutching his pillow tightly, sweat dripping down his face in rivulets and three words falling from his lips in sheer panic and loss.

“Please...come back!”

**************************************************************************************************************

It was late, although within the vacuum of space that was moot. Occasionally, if the Finalizer was orbiting a planet, Ren could make out the sunrise or sunset down below, alerting him to what time it might have been. But his moments were mapped out with duty and schedules; no idle time to dawdle, no down time to rest. He was a creature constantly in flux.

Ren stared out of the window panel with a hard gaze, not really seeing anything. 

A creature.

He had been called many things over the course of his confused lifetime; clumsy, scary, ruthless, driven, Jedi killer, Master…

But no one had ever called him a creature before. No one would dare to. 

Except for her. 

But she had moved past her idea of him as a creature. Moved onto a word that held the weight of galaxies.

Magnificent. 

She thought him magnificent. And he wanted to cry because of it. Partly because he feared he didn’t deserve it, and partly because he wished fervently that it were true. 

Rey wanted to hold him. Kiss him. Take him away from his pain. Rey wanted him. Rey thought he was perfect. 

She was the perfect one.

Ren’s jaw tightened as he remembered that vivid dream which he would rather eradicate from his memory banks. It was a contradiction of the most perplexing kind. In it, he had treated her with infinite care and tenderness. And she had treated him like a man. A desired man. Not…like a creature.

He closed his eyes and replayed each second as though it were on a never ending loop feed. Her soft, tan skin as it slid over his. Her blazing eyes, staring into the depths of his with passion and acceptance. Her perfect lips, caressing his own in desperation and longing. Molding to his as though they were made for each other. Her body, as it pressed against his in the most primal of ways.

He feared he would go mad from this torment. The very air around him vibrated with the energy her memory evoked, making his body tremble and his hands ball into tight fists lest he take out his saber and destroy the entire damn ship. 

For the last fifteen years, he had been doing his Master’s bidding. It had been six lonely years since that fateful day, and Ren realized with something akin to shock that it had been the last day he had felt another person’s touch. 

Sure, he’d sparred with his Knights, but combat involved weaponry and mind skill. There was no touching involved. And even if there were, it usually consisted of gloved pats on the back or pushing off to gain a proper foothold. Even in times of injury, Ren was consulted by medical droids. Sentient beings were never allowed to touch him. Ren realized that the closest he’d come to touching skin again, was when the Scavenger was in the interrogation chair. He had nearly touched her face as he’d read her mind, his fingers itched to feel the warmth of her fair cheek gloved hand be damned.

Somehow he knew, and there was a strange sense of acceptance behind the knowing, that the next person who would touch him again would be her. 

Rey.

It was almost as though a phantom ghost were coming for him, stalking him…he had nowhere to hide, nowhere to run. As though the only goal of the Force now was to ensure she imprinted upon him with her flesh the way her lightsaber had upon his face. 

His lightsaber, he reminded himself. And that only made him shiver more. The Force had willed this; choosing her to pick up the mantle of his legacy lightsaber and brand him with it. Mark him. Forever, the evidence that he was hers.

Ren sighed forcefully. This had to stop. He would go mad and take her with him if it didn’t. What was he going to do? He wondered bleakly, closing his eyes. 

Glancing over, he spotted Vader’s mask in its place of honor…taunting him with its silence.

“Why are you ignoring me, Grandfather? Is this what you want…to watch me go insane? I’m doing this for you. I’m trying to make you proud, by finishing what you started. All I’ve been sent is pain. And now…with this girl…I’m losing my mind. I did as he asked. I did as I felt you wanted. Yet here I am, alone and lost. Am I to…kill this girl? Is that the final sacrifice I am to give?” Kylo murmured hysterically, not even being able to contemplate such a thing now. 

The silence of space gazed back at him through his viewport, the stars reflecting in his eyes. There would be no answers forthcoming tonight.

Kylo Ren expected nothing less.

*********************************************************************************************************  
“Leia…there has been a development. A very interesting, yet dangerous development.”

Leia gazed upon her brother’s holographic image, confusion alighting her features. It had been three months since Rey had found her twin brother, and Leia couldn’t have been more grateful for Rey’s help. The galaxy was in chaos after the events on Star Killer Base; the outcry for the First Order to be taken down echoing across the heavens due to the Hosnian System’s destruction. 

While Luke was holed up on Ahch-To training Rey, Leia watched as the Resistance fought valiantly to maintain order in the galaxy. Snoke was planning something major; Leia felt it. 

Coming back to the present, she tilted her head in fear.

“Tell me, Luke. No more secrets. What is going on? Leia ordered strongly.

Luke rubbed his chin, hazarding a glance over his shoulder.

“It’s Rey. And…your son.” He said hesitantly, not sure how to proceed.

Leia’s eyes grew flinty cold.

“What about Rey? What has he done to her? Is she alright?” Leia asked frantically, and it didn’t escape Luke’s notice that Leia didn’t ask about Ben. 

“Leia, Rey is fine. For the most part. Ky-Be-…he didn’t do anything to her. Not really.” Luke assured her.

Leia’s mouth formed a tight line.

“Define not really.” She said, her voice as hard as durasteel.

Luke sighed.

“It seems that on Star Killer Base, when he…interrogated her, he opened a portal into her mind. Rey being Force gifted pushed back hard, and a…Bond…was formed between the two. A strong one.” Luke added, his voice holding a hint of humor at the turn of events.

Leia wasn’t amused though, and her stony visage made Luke well aware.

“A…Force Bond? Is that even possible?” Leia asked, shock evident in her tone.

Luke nodded, shifting from foot to foot.

“Yes, Leia. It’s very possible. Though rare, and usually only with Master and Padawan or…” Luke broke off, afraid all of a sudden how to voice this to his sister.

Leia’s eyes widened, and Luke was suddenly aware of Leia’s aura tapping at his mind, seeking answers. They too shared a Bond, being twins. But it was nothing like that of Ben and Rey. Luke felt the second that comprehension dawned upon Leia.

“Lover’s. You were going to say lover’s.” Leia stated matter-of-factly, her voice incredulous.

Luke sighed thickly, nodding.

“Yes, Leia. But…it’s obviously not like that. At least, not yet.” Luke said off handedly.

Leia balked at that, trying to understand how this could have happened. The look on her face alone alerted Luke to her state of mind, and he shrugged helplessly.

“The Force has willed it, obviously. And…this might be a good thing, Leia.” Luke said carefully.

Leia reared back, placing a hand over her mouth.

“A good thing, Luke? How for Kriff’s sake can you say that? You know what he is capable of. Not only is it dangerous for Rey, but to the Resistance. If he can read her mind, he can discover where the Rebels are. If—“ 

Luke cut her off with the wave of a hand. Leia hated when he did that.

“Leia…your son is alive.” Luke said forcefully, breaking Leia out of her rant.

Leia gazed at Luke with hard eyes, full of despair and loss. He hated facing her after what she’d been through, but if there was any chance at all that Ben was still able to come back to her, then Luke had to bring her hope. It was all he could bring her now, after she’d lost Han.

“I thought so too, once.” Leia said sadly, tears choking her voice. “But he killed his father, Luke. His father.” Leia rasped.

Luke bit his lip, nodding in pain.

“I know, Leia. I know. And I’m sorry. But…it was Snoke. It was always Snoke. It will always be Snoke. He has his claws in Ben, but not as tight as he once did. And that, Sister, is because of Rey. She has changed him. Altered him. She dreams of him, nearly every night. He comes to her, or she comes to him. Sometimes, I hear her in her hut, crying out his name in agony. Other times, I hear her assuring him that she is there, and he needn’t fear. But most times, I hear her tell him that he can come home; that his family still loves him. Leia…I think there is still hope.” Luke said passionately.

Leia’s tears spilled down her cheeks in rivulets, splashing carelessly on the control panel beneath her.

Could it be true? Could Rey really accomplish what Luke, herself, and Han hadn’t been able to do? Could she really…bring her son home?

Luke allowed his sister to cry silently, knowing that in the months since Han’s death she probably hadn’t allowed herself to truly break down and take it all in. Being a war General left little room for weakness. When she seemed to have recovered enough and her tears were dried, Luke smiled at her tremulously.

“Could he really be alive, Luke?” Leia asked hopefully, clinging to the only bit of light that she could. Asking was mute, though…even after what he’d done. She still, still…felt the light in him. Perhaps that light was due to Rey.

Luke nodded slowly at his sister.

“I think it is a distinct possibility, Leia. I am training Rey the best way I know how. She must be ready, if it is her choice to help Ben. And we both know, there is only one thing standing in her way.” Luke said ominously. 

Leia gasped, old wounds opening at what her brother was alluding to. Would they never be free of that demon?

“Snoke.” She said helplessly. 

Luke lowered his eyes by way of answer, grinding his jaw.

Leia’s mind raced ahead, thinking of all the ways this could go. One thing was certain, though. Her brother had to keep Rey safe.

“Luke…keep Rey safe and train her well. If she is to help Ben destroy Snoke, she must be prepared. I couldn’t bear it if she died, as well. Or worse…fell to the Dark Side.” Leia rasped.

Sensing his sister’s torment, Luke nodded dutifully.

“I will, Leia. I think it is time for the Skywalker family to take back what Snoke has stolen from us. With Rey's help, it just might be possible. Their connection is very strong. I've never felt the like. I haven't pried any more details from Rey, but I don't need to. Their influence on the other is plain as day, even across star systems. The problem is...if I can sense it, then you can be certain Snoke can. Or will, very soon.” Luke said gravely.

Leia nodded weakly, hoping against hope.

“I want my son back, Luke.” She admitted brokenly. Even all he had done, she was still his mother.

Luke gazed at her guiltily. He’d failed her once, not shielding Ben from Snoke and allowing him to fall to the Dark Side. He would not let it happen again if there was a way to save him. If there was still Light in him, then he was determined to hold on to it.

“I promise you, Sister. I will do my best to see it done.” Luke swore.

Leia shared a deep look of understanding with her brother, before his holo image disappeared. She let out the deep breath she’d been holding for what seemed years, sitting back in her chair in exhaustion.

“Please…let it be so. I love him. Han…if you’re listening…touch our Son’s heart. I know you tried once, and it cost you everything. But please…help me find a way to still bring him home.” Leia plead, closing her eyes and letting the tears flow once again.

Her Son was lost. Leia had always felt it. Even when he was tearing a path of destruction through the galaxy, Leia had known. He wasn’t entirely sold on this life he’d chosen, that much was clear. If he was, then the light in him would have been extinguished long ago.

Perhaps it was Destiny, his meeting Rey. Perhaps there was still hope for him yet. Leia pictured the lovely, sweet scavenger girl in her mind, smiling slightly. Rey was fierce, loyal, and brave. She’d bested her Son on Star Killer Base, even when Ben could have so easily killed her. There MUST be a reason that he spared her. Could it be, that he was drawn to her light? Could her Son have feelings towards her? It seemed like too much to hope for, and even more of a stretch if Rey could ever return those feelings. 

But Force help her…Leia hoped. A mother never stopped hoping.


	4. "...Maybe I'm just doomed to love you. And I find the irony in that to be exceptionally beautiful..." A.R. Lucas

~Chapter 4~

Morning on the island dawned overcast, a vicious storm front moving in from the South. Luke went to Rey’s hut to bring her breakfast as well as advise her that they would be training indoors today, but before he even knocked upon her door he knew she wasn’t there. 

Turning slowly he spied her across the field in the clearing, pacing furiously back and forth by the Cliffside. He noticed that she was careful not to get too close to the edge, and wondered why. It hadn’t dawned on him that she might not have been able to swim, but it should have considering she was raised on a desert planet with no bodies of water to have learnt in.

Placing the breakfast tray he’d brought her down on a rock near her hut, Luke flipped the hood of his cloak up to avoid the harsh wind and slight drizzle that was beginning to mist the air. He made his way to where his new Padawan was, bracing himself for anything. He’d felt her agitation through the Force, and realized she must have had another disturbing dream. It was more imperative than ever to complete her training, whether or not she had to face Snoke or Kylo Ren himself.

Rey surely felt Luke’s presence as he approached, as she eyed him wearily. Her eyes were wild, he noted with dismay. Dropping to his haunches, Luke adapted a non-threatening stance in the damp grass, before sliding into a meditative pose.

“You are distressed this morning, Padawan.” Luke whispered, pointing out the obvious.

Rey stopped her pacing to shoot him a frustrated glare. Luke glanced down and noticed that her lightsaber- or more accurately, his lightsaber, was hooked to her belt. He had no idea what to make of that. He kept having to remind himself that his nephews influence, whether for good or bad, was probably bleeding through their bond. This volatile, agitated Rey before him was more Kylo Ren than herself at the moment, and he tried to remain calm in the light that he was weaponless himself.

“Distressed…yes, you could say that.” She murmured angrily.

Luke nearly smiled at Rey's sass.

“I believe I just did,” Luke said light heartedly to soften the mood, but one glance at Rey’s tight features told him she wasn’t in the mood for banter.

Right. To the point, then.

“You had another dream about Ben Solo…tell me.” Luke implored wearily.

Rey huffed in annoyance, flashing a grimace Luke’s way.

“It wasn’t about Ben Solo. Not entirely. It was more about…him. The other one.” Rey bit out in frustration, and unless Luke was imagining things, a little guilt.

“Tell me.” Luke repeated, his voice softening as he watched the play of emotions span across Rey's face.

Rey wrung her fingers together, her gaze set upon something in the distance that Luke couldn’t see.

“I did something…something terrible.” Rey intoned, guilt coloring her voice.

Look nodded once patiently, trying to remain supportive. Whatever Rey did, or thought she did, it couldn’t have been that terrible. It was merely a dream, after all. 

When Luke said nothing else, Rey hesitantly met his gaze.

“I asked him to kiss me. To prove to me that he wasn’t a monster, and that Ben Solo the humanoid still lived inside of him somewhere. I…I begged him to. I wanted him to. But...why? Why would I do such a thing?” Rey asked, her voice small and frightened.

Luke’s brow arched, and he inhaled deeply. He had suspected that Rey's feelings were changing towards the monster known as Kylo Ren, but he hadn't been certain that their Bond had tranformed to the physical. It was clear now that Rey's interest in the Knight of Ren ran deeper than he'd anticipated. 

“I cannot answer that for you, Padawan. Only you can decipher what your true motives are. What was his response to your request?” Luke asked curiously.

Rey closed her eyes in what looked like pain.

“He didn’t hesitate, as I assumed he would. He pulled me against him so gently, as though that might have been his only chance to ever do so and…he kissed me with such passion and ferocity. And...I enjoyed it. I never wanted it to end. What is the matter with me?" Rey asked sullenly, her voice sounding defeated.

Luke released a sharp breath.

“I see.” He said vaguely, staring out to sea and to the incoming storm. 

Rey narrowed her eyes at her Master in agitation, in part because he was acting so calmly and also because he glossed over her question as though it didn't matter. 

“You see? That’s all that you have to say?” She asked furiously, breaking manners and striding over to hover over Luke with her arms crossed. “I’m glad that you see so clearly, Master…because I surely do not. I’m dreaming of a man that murders without compunction, begging him to show me his softer side. Something must seriously be wrong with me. Or else he is using his mind powers against me.” Rey grumbled, and Luke got the distinct impression she was trying to convince herself that it was all Kylo Ren's doing. 

Luke raised his weary blue eyes towards her.

“Rey…are you angry at Kylo Ren for invoking these feelings in you, or are you angry at yourself for succumbing to them? After all, it was you who provoked the kiss, not…Ben.” Luke asked cautiously.

Rey opened her mouth to speak, closing it swiftly. 

“I’m not angry at him for kissing me. I’m angry at him for being so damn confusing. I’m so confused, Master. About him, and why he became what he did. In these dreams, he is so tender and pleading. He wants my help; he wants me to save him. But when I speak with him through our Bond, he is cruel and bitter. He says things that cut, but apologizes later. He is such a bloody paradox that it makes my head spin. He was a special child, and could have done wonders as a man. But he allowed some disgusting apparition to brainwash him. I just don’t understand. He had such potential. And when I visit him…I can’t help but feel drawn to the man he might have been, while at the same time pitying the man he’s become. They are one in the same, after all.” Rey said morosely.

Luke nodded sagely.

“Yes…one in the same. But Rey, Ben didn’t allow Snoke to brainwash him. He had no way of preventing that. Especially since it began when he was still a fetus, in Leia’s womb.” Luke said quietly.

He had no idea why he felt the urge to defend his nephew to Rey, especially after all of the crimes he had committed in the name of the First Order. 

Rey’s eyes widened at that.

“What are you talking about?” She asked.

Luke sighed, wiping his eyes of mist that had blinded him.

“Leia felt Snoke’s presence in her life as far back as her pregnancy with Ben. She felt him talking to her child. It was subtle at first, but it got worse as his due date arrived. Ben admitted that someone spoke to him in dreams. His mother and father pushed it aside, thinking it was Anakin or perhaps Obi-Wan Kenobi.” Luke said.

Rey’s eyes narrowed.

“Who is Obi-Wan Kenobi?” Rey asked curiously.

“Obi-Wan…or Ben, as he became known later in life, was one of the most gifted Jedi Master’s that ever lived. He was also Anakin’s Master and best friend. Obi-Wan is the one who bested my father on Mustafar, cutting off his arms and legs. He is the one who took me as a baby to Tatooine, while Leia went to Alderaan. That is why we were separated at birth, to hide us from Vader and the Emperor. Ben is also the one who brought Leia, Han, and I together. He is the namesake of Ben Solo.”

Rey’s mouth opened in shock at this new piece of information.

“Did Ben know Obi-Wan Kenobi?” Rey asked with interest.

Luke shook his head in the negative.

“No; he died when we destroyed the first Death Star, four years before Ben’s birth.”

Rey nodded.

Luke eyed his charge with curious eyes.

“You know, Rey…you remind me a lot of Obi-Wan. I only knew him as an older man, but I can see in you what he must have been like as a youngling. Interesting…” Luke said, more to himself than to Rey.

Rey looked towards the sea, sighing thickly as more of her dream swirled in her thoughts. When she chanced a look back to her Master, he was gazing at her knowingly.

Rey sighed, dropping to her knees before mirroring Luke’s pose in meditation.

“Master…that’s not all. There is more to my dream than I first admitted.” Rey said ominously.

Luke raised both brows and studied her sharply, and Rey felt like she had a sign on her forehead stating ‘I told Kylo Ren that I loved him.'

“There usually is,” Luke whispered, giving Rey a chance to gather her words.

“I told him that I had feelings for him. That I…loved him. But that is impossible.” Rey said again, her voice trying to sound convincing.

Luke studied her in silence for so long that Rey felt as if he could see her every thought.

“Is it?” Luke countered, his eyes fixed on hers with seriousness.

Rey gasped, agitated with the implications of loving Kylo Ren.

“How can you even ask me that? He killed Han. He almost killed Finn. He had an entire village executed, according to Poe Dameron. How could I have real feelings for such a man? And how could they even grow without even really knowing him?” Rey asked, her voice rising in hysteria.

Luke reached out and touched Rey’s arm, sending her a wave of calm.

“Steady your storm, Padawan. Calm yourself.” He urged softly.

Rey closed her eyes, misery etched onto her face. Luke grimaced. This might be harder than he thought, convincing Rey to risk her life to help save Ben. 

“Rey…what do you know of Lor San Tekka?” Luke asked hesitantly, gauging her reaction.

Rey narrowed her eyes, trying to remember.

“I know he was some kind of mystical teacher back on Jakku. He lived with the Creche.

Luke nodded.

“Yes, he did. I first met him after the battle of Endor, when Ben was a baby. He was a good friend, not only to me but to Ben’s parent’s. The night he died, as well as the Villagers, it was due to the fact he was going to reveal to everyone who Ben Solo is. Kylo had arrived on Jakku to retrieve the map, and Lor San Tekka goaded him about his heritage in front of his troopers."

Rey scrunched up her nose in confusion.

“What does that matter? Everyone in the galaxy knows who Kylo Ren is.” Rey said.

Luke blinked.

“Yes...but only a VERY select few know who Ben Solo is. That is Snoke’s rule; the name Ben Solo must never be spoken, by penalty of death. Lor San told Kylo that he was not borne from the Dark Side and that he could not escape the truth of his family. Kylo knew he had to silence him, or run the risk of everyone finding out the secret that Snoke keeps so tightly guarded to his chest." Luke said sadly.

Rey frowned.

“How do you know this? You weren’t even there.” Rey said.

Luke shrugged.

“My father told me, Rey. I commune with Anakin. He is a Force Ghost.” Luke said quietly.

Rey’s eyes closed.

“So he killed the Villagers too because…”

“Because they would have discovered his secret. Even if they didn’t know who Ben Solo was, Kylo was under orders. I’m not saying what he did was right, Rey. But Lor San forced his hand. He would probably have let both him and the Villager's go had he only cooperated." Luke whispered.

Rey sat down on her bottom, suddenly feeling like her shoulders weighed a ton. Kylo's words about not enjoying hurting people drifted through her thoughts, as confusing as the man himself was. Perhaps it was merely her that Kylo Ren did not enjoy hurting. Rey didn't know if that made her feel better or worse.

Meeting Luke's pensive gaze, Rey suddenly felt helpless. 

“Master Luke…what is it that you want from me? When I first arrived here, you were very hesitant to train me in the ways of the Force. But now...I sense you have a great purpose for keeping me here. Please, tell me what it is. I am so tired of being lied to and kept in the dark." Rey whispered sadly, her hazel eyes filling with tears.

Luke nodded, knowing that it was time for honesty.

“Rey…you are very powerful. I don’t know if it’s simply because of my nephew’s influence, or the fact you were born with the Force and didn’t know it. But the fact remains that you are. Rey...I need your help. Leia needs your help. Ben needs your help. But only you can choose whether or not you can do this.” Luke said enigmatically.

Rey’s lower lip trembled.

“Do what?” She whispered, knowing a storm was coming. And it wasn’t merely attached to the weather.

“Help Ben defeat Snoke.” Luke said, as though it was the simpliest task in the galaxy.

Rey barked out a sarcastic laugh as she eyed the old Master with incredulity.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. Kylo Ren would just as soon kill himself than betray that fiend of a Master of his. Don’t you think I’ve tried to reason with him? Persuade him to leave the path of darkness and come home? But he is so woven with that monster that he can’t think for himself. I can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be helped.” Rey said angrily.

Luke nodded, pursing his lips.

“Yes, you’re right. But you must give Ben time, Rey. He is at a crossroads now. I can feel it. And that is entirely due to you. You are changing him, giving him a reason to consider a different path. A different future. I’m going to ask you this just once, and I will never speak of it again. Do you now, or can you see yourself loving my nephew enough to save him?”

Rey gasped, grabbing her chest.

Loving Kylo Ren. Could she? Was she already in love with him? Yes…in a way, love had planted roots in her subconscious. That was the only reason for her dream self to disregard all propriety and try to get into his head. Her dream self had no reservations about touching him. Kissing him. Asking him to join her and leave all of that violence behind. 

Tendrils of guilt swirled in her gut. He had killed so many people. He had nearly killed Finn. Oh, Stars. Finn…what would her first friend think of her, falling in love with such a perceived monster? Would any of them, save General Organa, truly understand her reasons for wanting to help redeem Ben Solo and bring him back to the light? They might turn their back on her; shun her. They might call her a traitor. And if Kylo turned against her and brought her before his Master like a prize, she would have nobody. 

But she couldn’t deny what was there, buried under her reservations and fear. A deep longing to know him. 

Her eyes met Luke’s helplessly.

“I…I do care for him. I do. I knew it from the beginning. It was as if we’d met before; in a dream, or a nightmare. I’ve wracked my brain, trying to remember if I’d ever met him. I remember nothing. Yet this strange feeling of familiarity continues to blossom whenever we are together in dreams. I feel like I am losing my mind, Master Luke.” Rey admitted fearfully, hanging her head.

Luke rose, wrapping his cloak around him tighter. The rain was moving closer, and it was time to get indoors. He placed a gentle hand upon Rey’s head, prompting her to look up at him.

“Rey…I cannot tell you your path, or walk it for you. That is the will of the Force. I do believe one thing, though. My nephew cares deeply for you. He must, despite what the darkness is trying to tell him. He could have killed you on that Base, and he didn’t. Instead, he formed an unbreakable Force Bond with you. One that is usually only formed between Master and Student, and Lover’s, Rey. By the will of the Force, you are destined to be one thing or the other to Kylo Ren. Either way, your fate is sealed. It is up to you to discover which path you will allow; student, or lover.”

Rey closed her eyes, nodding slowly.

“But…I thought Jedi weren’t allowed any emotional attachments.” Rey said in confusion.

Luke looked up, his eyes scanning the area.

“Rey…I think it is time for the old ways of the Jedi to end. If the Jedi are to rise once again, it must be without absolutes. I’ve learned something these past years which my Master might never have dared to imagine. The Force isn’t merely Light and Dark. There are varying shades of Grey, as well. We all have both inside of us, Rey. Perhaps if I had been a better teacher, I might have been able to teach this to my nephew and save him. Instead, I pushed him away and set him on the path to darkness. I won’t make that mistake again. With him, and especially not with you.” Luke said with conviction.

Rey blinked up at him, shocked by his words but heartened by the strength behind them. 

“It is getting bad out here. Come, let’s go inside and you can eat something. I want to show you something after breakfast.” Luke ordered gently, turning to leave without allowing Rey to answer.

Dutifully, Rey followed her Master back to the hut, her mind whirling with all that was said. 

Student to Kylo Ren, or Lover. He had wanted to train her, and it was clear now that he did have romantic feelings for her, too. Was there a Universe in which she and Kylo Ren could ever co-exist, on equal ground?

*********************************************************************************

Supreme Leader Snoke’s throne room was cold and dark, the air in the chamber wrapping around Ren like a wet blanket and settling into his bones. At one time, he felt so at home here, amongst the shadows. Now, he longed for the sunlight on his face, away from this vortex of freezing space where all he was accustomed to were stars and darkness.

Memories of Chandrila floated through his thoughts; of blue water beaches and orange and purple sunsets. Even Hosnian Prime boasted spectacular sunsets.

Did boast them, once…

“I sense conflict in you, Master Ren.”

Kylo gritted his teeth painfully, nearly grinding them down to stumps in the last few days. He gazed upon his Master in disguised worship, yet his insides were churning with anger and distrust. Rey’s last words to him settled in his stomach like a heavy stone, sinking and painful. They weren’t anything that Ren hadn’t already known; Han Solo himself had said as much back on Star Killer Base. Snoke was jealous of his young protégé; jealous of his power, his birthright, his lineage. And one day, he would destroy Kylo Ren and he destroyed Ben Solo. It was inevitable. 

His deep brown eyes widened in question.

“Conflict, Supreme Leader? I’m not sure I understand.” He said innocently, a steel wall sliding across his thoughts and keeping Snoke out. One thing Kylo Ren was a master at, was thought control.

Snoke leaned forward on his throne, his slippered feet curling grotesquely beneath him.

“The girl, Ren. What of the girl?” Snoke asked with a gentle, sickly sweet voice. It didn’t escape Ren’s notice that he mentioned the girl on the heels of Kylo’s perceived conflict.

Kylo didn’t break Snoke’s gaze as he narrowed his.

“The girl is training, presumably with Luke Skywalker.” Kylo said airily, as though it was of no consequence to him.

Snoke smiled menacingly.

“And yet, here you stand. Not one but two Force users plotting against us, and you seem no worse for wear, Kylo Ren. Tell me…do you think it wise to disobey my direct orders?”

Kylo stood still, the only movement his eyes as they searched his Master’s.

‘They are plotting against you…not me’ Kylo thought, locking the words down behind that steel wall. He had no idea how he knew this, but Kylo knew that Luke and Rey were not planning to attack him. If anything, he sensed that his uncle’s feelings toward him had softened since he had met Rey. Perhaps he shared Leia and Rey’s desire to bring him home. 

“Forgive me, Master. I meant no disrespect. I only meant to convey my feelings that I do not feel the girl is a threat to us at the moment. Though strong and growing more so, she is only raw materials now. The time is not yet right, in my opinion, to deviate from our previous plans.” Kylo said steadily.

Snoke leaned back on his throne, his beetle like eyes boring into Ren’s with scrutiny. Kylo held firm, not allowing any clink in his armor to shine through. After an eternity locked in a standoff, Snoke finally relented and waved a hand in finality.

“When your training is complete, you will go and find them. And then, you will not fail this time in bringing them both to me. I am through with incompetence, Kylo Ren. I want the last Jedi here, bowing before me. And any followers he trains, starting with that girl. Is that clear?” He asked, his voice low and lethal.

Kylo bowed in supplication.

“As you wish, Supreme Leader.” He said respectfully.

Snoke nodded.

“Go.” He said, disappearing in a haze of flickering holo light.

Kylo let out the air in his lungs in a wheezing thrust, falling to his knees in the now empty chamber.

It had been two days since his last dream of Rey, and it was getting harder and harder to keep her out of his thoughts. He knew that he must push her to the farthest reaches of his mind whenever he was present before Supreme Leader, but even then she teased the edges of his consciousness barreling to get by. What was she trying to do? Did she actually want to alert Snoke to the fact that she was burrowing into his protégé’s heart? Was that her game; flaunt her ever growing position in Kylo’s heart so that his Master would question his loyalties?

Kylo narrowed his eyes at the thought, suddenly angry with Rey. He fell to a heap, stretching his long legs out in front of him.

No. Not Rey. She was not deceitful. She was trying to save him, not complicate his position even further.

Kylo let out a harsh bite of laughter. 

Save him...as if she ever could. Why would she even want to try? All he could ever bring her was despair.

Kylo looked up to the ceiling of the holo chamber, sighing thickly. How did that small woman ever get past his ironclad defenses? He had been so certain of his path, so sure of his loyalties. Until one look at her face had decimated all of his previous plans to cinders. He closed his eyes, exhausted and desperate for sleep. 

"Oh, Rey...why do you haunt me so? And why can't I break free from the shackles you've placed around me?" Kylo croaked, feeling weaker and more pathetic than he'd ever felt.

Master of the Knights of Ren...he was a fraud. Brought to his knees by a mere girl with chestnut colored hair and eyes like a million Suns. 

Dragging himself to his full height, Kylo pulled himself together before making his way back to his quarters.

***************************************************************************************************

 

Rey fell down, panting and sweating as she tried to get her bearings. Was she dreaming again? But she didn't remember falling asleep.

She was in a dark tunnel, cylindrical in nature with a tiny pin hole of light at the end that she could barely see. Apprehension plagued her as she stumbled along cautiously, confused as to where this was. It wasn’t space, that was for certain. 

Bravely, she began to walk to where she could make out the end, equal parts frightened and excited at what she would find. The last thing she remembered was walking into a cave back on Ahch-To with Master Luke. Then, everything went black.

Rey felt a mounting sense of dread when she realized that she was not dreaming, but that Kylo Ren was. And she, it seemed, was inside of that dream inside of his unconscious thoughts. 

Was she having a Force Vision?

At once, she felt like an interloper. She had no idea why; after all, hadn’t he done the same to her, on Star Killer Base? She supposed the reason she was so disturbed was because she worried what atrocities she would find, lurking in his subconscious thoughts. 

Thoughts of war, perhaps? Memories of slaying innocent victims; watching their life force drain from their eyes as he looked on in detachment and coldness? Or maybe memories of his sadistic crimes upon humanity…watching from his perspective as he maimed and tortured the innocent for his own enjoyment. 

Rey faltered then, the sudden chill engulfing her and curdling her blood in her veins – hearing his thoughts on killing his father. Being gleeful at it. Celebrating it…

She didn’t think that she could bear that. 

These past months of sharing dreams with Kylo Ren had given her a glimpse into who the man behind the mask really was. But it hadn’t prepared her for what she would feel once she found out. 

Rey had never thought herself to be swayed by a handsome face, as growing up on Jakku had hardened her to the luxury of fancying anyone. Hard survival took the place of flights of fancy. Yet despite her best intentions, she could not hide the effect Kylo Ren had had on her. 

There was good in him still. She felt it. He could be tender when he wanted, even benign. Perhaps there was a way she could help him, if he allowed it. It was obvious that he brought her here, into his most private thoughts for a reason.

So with a tentative and barely discernable signature Rey walked the darkened corridors of his mind, grateful when no such images of death and destruction presented themselves. He told her on Star Killer that despite what she assumed, he took no pleasure from torturing people. It was merely a means to an end in order to do his job. That implied that he did what he did because he felt he had to, not because he wanted to. 

To the sane, that seemed like poor justifiability. Yet to the sane and insightful, Rey could understand his motives…however twisted or misguided they were.

Cautiously, Rey walked through the darkened tunnel of his inner psyche, on alert as well as curious. She couldn’t lie and say that the prospect of glimpsing Kylo Ren’s secret thoughts didn’t send a thrill down her spine. He was a man of complete and complex mystery, and as the days passed she found herself falling deeper and deeper into the desperate curiosity of yearning to know what had caused his dark downfall from Ben Solo to Kylo Ren. She felt she owed it to General Organa to at least try and find a way to bring her son back to her. As a Jedi, or at least a Jedi in training, it was her duty to bring back the lost.

Rey’s sight of passage began to grow even narrower, and she began to worry. Perhaps he has set a trap for her, she thought in a panic. Centering herself and calming her breathing, she shielded her own mind against any possible attack.

She suddenly heard quiet whispers behind and in front of her, but none of the words sounded threatening or dark. In fact, if she strained hard enough she could almost make out the sound of…

Laughter? 

That couldn’t be right. And not just any laughter…joyous laughter, not sadistic. Giggles. Mewls of delight. High pitched yells that signaled excitement, and not terror. Childish laughter, so happy that it almost made her smile.

More confused than ever Rey tiptoed further, minding her steps and letting the Force guide her. She saw a light ahead, blinding and bright. It was muted yellow and reminded her of the sunrise on Jakku. Again, this puzzled her greatly. 

Sunlight? In Kylo Ren’s mind? She would have understood darkness. A raging inferno. Or a blinding tempest. But this? Coupled with the laughter…it completely threw her.

She arrived at the end of the corridor, looking up and around her in every direction. What she saw made her gasp, and she shut her mouth tightly to avoid him knowing she was there with him, even in the slight chance he already didn’t.

The darkened and narrow corridor she had tread disappeared, leaving her atop a very high cliff covered in lush green grass. It overlooked a terrain dotted with unimaginably beautiful waterfalls and the most beautifully colored flowers she could have possibly imagined. The air was cool and brisk, yet heated perfectly by the sunshine which lent it rays to the entire valley. In the distance, she saw large lakes whose water glistened in the soothing sunlight, and tiny islands interspersed throughout. Further in the distance, beyond the green mountains stained with grass and a light dusting of snow…she saw an ocean.

Rey gasped again, this time unable to hold in the sound of pleasure and recognition. 

It was her ocean. And the larger island surrounded in that impossibly blue lake so near to her hilltop was was hers as well.

Kylo Ren was envisioning her dream?

Rey blinked rapidly, trying to figure out her next move. Yet the choice was taken out of her grip, as she found herself seated upon the shoreline of the island, a soothing waterfall cascading only feet from her. She looked around, confused how she got here until she heard it again.

Laughter. Chuckling. Deep sighs of satisfaction and merriment. 

She tried to focus her concentration, scanning the surrounding area for anything. The sunlight streaming down upon her and the surrounding area was so bright, that it temporarily blinded her. She squinted deeply, throwing her hands to her temples to shield the brightness. That’s when she saw it.

Or rather, them.

A young couple was swimming in the lake about fifty feet from the shore, chasing each other and laughing and holding each other as they swirled through the water. The man looked to be about twenty, very tall and muscular. His sandy blond hair was short and pulled back from his forehead due to the water. His lips were very full and sensual, and puckered red. 

Rey gasped quietly. His lips. So familiar. So…plush and beautiful. They were stretched wide with an endless smile, relaying his deep happiness and contentment.

The woman was much smaller than he was, yet carried a strength about her that was clear as she constantly thwarted his attempts to pick her up. They would bob up and down in the crystal blue water, smiling at each other in a way that made Rey’s heart flutter. No man had ever gazed upon her with such devotion; such utter worship. It was as though the woman was the man's entire reason for being.

Occasionally he would catch her, pulling her in for a searing kiss which she returned without qualm. Her hair was the longest mane that Rey had ever seen before on a female, trailing down to below her backside in wavy tendrils. Her face was serene and perfect, deep brown eyes gazing adoringly into her companions with a passion that made Rey blush.

Those eyes. Those endless, fathomless dark eyes. They, too, were familiar. And haunting. 

Suddenly, the man picked up the woman in what appeared to be a mutual decision and with the sun glistening off of the water like diamonds, he carried her in the opposite direction towards a beautiful lake house that was covered in moss and flowers. Rey watched them go, wondering who they were and why Kylo Ren was having a dream about them.

The scene was too intimate, too beautiful. Too much light, too much happiness. It frightened her, rather than soothed her. To know that Kylo Ren could imagine this…it changed things. 

A lot. 

She didn’t have to wonder long about who the couple was or where they had escaped to, as the next instant found her on a beautiful terrace overlooking the lake. She saw the couple there, lounging on a settee and watching the scene with serenity. The man was spread out lazily across the cushions, his legs wide open while he cradled the woman between them. Her back rested peacefully against his powerful chest, while he cradled her head delicately against his neck. He had his arms woven tightly around her midsection, idly running his fingers along her waist as the woman rubbed one hand soothingly along his naked thigh. The scene was sweet yet erotic, contented yet tumultuous. 

Rey hadn’t had the power of the Force long, but she could sense the pain and melancholy rolling off of both of them, like they were thieves who were stealing time and trying to make the most of it. It saddened Rey, and she felt the onset of tears beginning to choke her throat. 

“Do you think it will always be like this, Ani? This feeling of absolute communion with one another? I’ve loved you forever, and I can’t believe we are finally together. I know that we have a lot of trials ahead. But I know everything will be fine because we’re together.” The woman said lovingly, her voice full of trust.

Rey gulped as she watched them, feeling like a voyeur. The woman was absolutely beautiful; flawless skin and perfect hair which cascaded down her back like a chocolate river now that it was drying in the heat of the sunlight. 

The man smiled slightly, running his nose through the woman’s hair lovingly.

“Padme…we’re on our honeymoon. I don’t want to think about what happens when we return to the Republic. This is our time now here…yours and mine. Please let’s not talk about that. Everything will be fine, my love. I promise.” He said passionately, kissing her crown. 

But Rey could see the trepidation in his eyes that the woman, Padme, could not.

The woman sighed, turning her head back to face him.

“The Clone Wars—“ She began, but the man shushed her with a finger to her lips.

“-Are not for us to worry about this week, Padme. Please.” He implored again, relaxing when the beauty relented and nodded.

“Alright, Anakin. For now, it’s just us.” She whispered, and with that the man pulled her to him for a kiss so full of passion that Rey’s mouth dropped open in shock.

Anakin…

Padme…

The pieces fit together in her mind and Rey’s eyes widened dramatically. These were Luke and Leia’s parents, and Kylo Ren’s grandparents. This was Padme Amidala and Anakin Skywalker. This was Darth Vader!

Paralyzed, Rey began to run backwards in a blind panic. She had no idea where she was or how she got there, so knowing where she was going was impossible. She found herself back on the shoreline of the island, stranded and alone. Her heart pounded mercilessly in her chest, and the sting of hot tears once again began to flood her eyes. 

She had dreamt of this island for as long as she could have remembered. Yet it was never hers.

It was HIS.

It was Ben Solo’s.

She knew their Force Bond was strong. But she never could have imagined that she would dream his dreams before she ever even met him. If it occurred after their bonding on Star Killer Base, she could have understood. 

But this?

The only possible conclusion was that they were bonded long before they had ever met. And the truth of that terrified her. She had assumed the island in which Kylo Ren had spoke to her dreaming about was Luke's island...Ahch-To.

“How is this possible?” She whispered aloud, the idea of disturbing him now vanishing. She felt him lurking in her mind, waiting like a clawed beast ready to pounce.

He was awake. Or at least as much as he could be, in his dream like state.

"So...now you know my secret." His voice whispered back in weary resignation. 

Rey turned in every direction, stopping her momentum at the sound of his deep voice. The voice which haunted her dreams and made her blood sizzle with something she couldn’t name. She was blinded by the Sun again as its Ray's shifted upon the afternoon landscape.

That’s when she saw him. 

Kylo Ren stood only feet from her, his mask gone but his ominous black clothing and tunic in place. Rey bit her lip absently, thinking that the heavy black garb must have been stifling for him here in this warm climate.  
His eyes were deep and dark, gazing into her own with guarded curiosity and something else that Rey couldn’t fathom. He had Padme’s eyes. It was so clear now, that she released an audible gasp.

It was the first time since this began that they were actually awake in the vision, both of them on cognizant footing without being asleep. She knew it wasn’t real, but it terrified Rey all the same. He was tall and imposing, his clothing making him seem more so. A thrill shot through her as she remembered how intense his presence was. He resembled a monk of sorts; hidden away beneath protective armor so that not a sliver of skin showed, save his face.

For a fleeting moment, she wondered what he looked like underneath all of those heavy layers. Would he be lanky or muscular? Pale, or tanned like her? Probably pale, if he was never without the thick clothing which surrounded him like a dark mist.

She also wondered what it would be like, watching him peel those layers off. Would her breath catch as he removed piece after piece, until only bare skin remained? She wondered, Force help her, what it would be like to touch that bare skin of his. His face looked so soft, and she reasoned that the rest of his skin must be equally so, except perhaps for the scars he had endured in battle. She suddenly longed to touch the skin of his neck. His biceps. His chest. Would his body quiver under her unskilled and calloused touch?

She remembered his desperate kiss, and how his lips had molded to hers so perfectly...stealing the breath from her lungs and the reason from her brain. Would his body do the same thing, moving against hers in a passionate dance as old as time itself?

She was terrified that such a wayward thought had made itself known to her subconscious mind.

But what terrified her more, was when he began to slowly make his way towards her and the ugly scar she’d inflicted upon him became ever more grotesque in its painful reality. She noted with unease that it didn’t detract from his beauty though, as his chiseled features, intense amber eyes, and full red lips were still as attractive as they were the first time she laid eyes on him.

His lips. Anakin’s lips. Lips which Padme had taken great pleasure in sealing with her own…

And his hair…

Wavy, raven locks fluttered in the whispering wind, whipping around his face with the gentleness of a butterfly in flight. How she longed to put her fingers through that thick mane…lose herself in what she surmised was velvety softness. She had never seen such hair on a male before, let alone a human one. He was mesmerizing in his beauty, and she felt a flutter of longing settle deep in her stomach as her eyes devoured him. She was locked in place, fearful of what his powerful presence did to her insides. 

It began the first time she had seen him without the mask, back on that dreaded base. She had been expecting a monstrous looking fiend when he removed his death shroud; a maneuver on his part that she still couldn’t understand. Beneath the metal and plastic lay the gentle face of a Prince. A fallen Prince, but that was neither here nor there.

Dark, fathomless eyes gazed steadily into hers with an intensity she had found absolutely jarring. Baby soft looking skin that contradicted his apparent rancor. And thick, raven locks that she fleetingly thought looked so luxurious that she had never seen their equal. 

The strange feelings of curiosity bloomed into a dreaded feeling of attraction. And that made her feel sick, as this man was dangerous. She had never in her life seen such a man; handsome and regal, yet untamed and lethal.  
He had leaned over her that day, his breath caressing her face as his mind caressed hers. His arm had touched her shoulder. His eyes bore into hers, trying to extricate her secrets. She hadn’t been able to hide her pull to him, and it had shocked him.

‘Don’t be afraid. I feel it too.’

Coming back to the present, Rey’s breath stuttered inside her chest. She looked at Ren with fear, hating that he his face was entirely unreadable.

Could he hear her thoughts? Of course he could, she decided, mortified. They were blaring loudly across their Bond, even as she tried desperately to shield them. She couldn’t hide the fact that in spite of his being dangerous, she was completely and utterly attracted to him. Physically, emotionally, and mentally.

That terrified her more than anything.

If he felt her internal struggle, he gave no sign. He merely continued to watch her, his eyes darkening. He came to a halt mere inches from her, so close that she could feel his warm breath upon her face with each exhale he took. Their eyes remained locked, and the intensity in his made her gulp. His earlier words fluttered back to her, and she broke out of her stupor.

“W-What secret?” She voiced tremulously, unable to tear her eyes away from him.

Ren’s eyes narrowed slightly, considering. He cocked his head to the side, sizing her up. Rey saw the battle raging in his mind as he tried to discover if she was ignorant to his words, or merely toying with him. Satisfied with her innocent reply, he sighed.

“The secret of this place. When I interrogated you back on the base, I did see it in your thoughts. You had dreamt of it before… you just didn’t know why.” He said cryptically.

Rey’s brows puckered.

“I assumed I had dreamt of…”Rey stopped, catching herself. She was not about to give away his uncles location. “Another island.” 

Kylo watched her stoically, not even blinking. His poker face was killing her, as was his silence. Finally granting her a reprieve, Kylo moistened his lips.

“No. Not…another island. This island. This very island.” He murmured.

Rey was confused. But then again, she would be. She hadn’t been staring at him when he smiled at her slightly during the interrogation when he mentioned the ocean. The island. Hadn’t seen in Kylo’s thoughts this shoreline, where she had never been before. 

“Why?” She answered simply, cutting to the point. “Why this island in particular?”

Ren smiled sadly, the ghostly whisper coming and going so fast that Rey was certain she’d imagined it. He walked a few paces ahead of her, gazing off into the distance as the gentle laps of waves crashed against the white sand. He could hear the roar of waterfalls in the distance, and if he closed his eyes he could actually see the spray. He turned back to face her after a moment, hating and loving the fact that her chestnut hair glowed in the sunlight, just as he had surmised it would in his dream. He allowed his eyes to devour it for a moment, tracing the strands as they blew in the breeze before meeting her gaze solemnly.

“Because it is a place that I dream about. A lot. And you somehow joined me here, long before we ever met. This is where you longed to be, the place that gave you peace.” He murmured quietly, his eyes finally leaving hers to look around them.

Rey ignored his statement, knowing full well how intimate his words sounded as well as the implication that she had dreamt about it long before they met. Instead, she focused on the same thing he did. Their surroundings. 

“This place…where are we?” She asked with a tone of awe in her voice. She had never imagined somewhere as lovely as this.

Ren licked his lips, taking a step back and turned in a half circle. 

“This is the planet Naboo. The estate you just saw was my ancestral home on my grandmother’s side. Varykino, in the lake country. It is where my grandparent’s spent their secret honeymoon, after my grandfather defied the Jedi Order’s demands for solitude and disattachment and he married the woman that he loved. It was a sacred place to them. In reality, my family still lays deed to this land, as it has been in the Naberrie family for many generations. My grandmother is buried in a crypt in the capital city. The entire planet it seemed came out to mourn when she died, a beautiful woman who served as Queen and then Senator, before dying too young. In childbirth.”

His voice sounded small and sad, and Rey gulped as tears suddenly spilled down her cheeks. The young couple from earlier. It was them. And they had looked so much in love. Rey had never imagined that deep a bond of love could exist. And Anakin Skywalker was a Jedi! No wonder their tale ended so tragically. He had defied the Jedi Order and married in secret…Rey couldn’t wrap her brain around the information fast enough.

Kylo continued speaking, almost as though he had forgotten Rey’s presence. 

“When I was a child, my mother would bring me to Naboo on occasion. It reminded her of her adopted planet of Alderaan. This is the lake country, very remote and hidden. My grandparent’s spent an entire week here, free of the burdens of the Republic as they consummated their long suffering love. I didn’t find that out until I was much older, of course, as my parent’s hid that fact from me. And later, after I joined the Knights of Ren, I began to have visions of their time together. Sometimes snippets of conversations, sometimes whole scenes. I…saw things. Things I don’t know if my grandfather wanted me to see, but they were shown to me in vivid detail. The first time he kissed Padme. The first time they…And then…”

Kylo couldn't continue, and Rey wondered if it was because he was too shy to voice the passion he knew his grandparent’s held for each other, or because he himself was ashamed of it. It broke her heart that a young man such as he had suffered so long without any gentleness or kindness, or even the basics of human connections. 

Just like her.

She gazed at him silently, allowing him to take his time. It felt nice suddenly to be in his presence, without the fear of wanting to kill one another.

“Now in my mind...I often wander the halls of the house they stayed at, certain that I can hear them speaking. Laughing. It gives me… strange feelings inside.” Kylo admitted with clear discomfort in his voice.

Rey listened, enraptured, as Kylo Ren spoke about his past so freely to her. 

“What kinds of strange feelings?” She prompted, taking a step closer to him. Something inside of her was prompting her to learn more about him, understand him. Helplessly, she obeyed. 

Kylo sighed, but didn’t turn around.

“There is too much love in this place. Too much hope. It’s crushing. Too much sunlight. I rarely see the sunlight anymore. I don’t like it. And seeing my grandfather so weak with…love, makes my heart thunder in my chest. It makes me angry. He was much younger than I am now. He was careless and fickle. He should never have allowed such a love to bloom and nourish it to grow. It was forbidden. And I don’t mean by the Jedi’s. I could care less about those tenets. I mean for the Dark Side. He allowed his love for Padme to crush him.” Kylo rushed out, and Rey felt that he was ashamed of the words he spoke.

Eyeing him carefully, she wondered if she could voice her opinion without losing her head. Literally.

“Perhaps you feel strange, because the love and light you feel in this place calls to you. Wants to embrace you. And you feel…guilty about that. You know…you cannot choose where you will love. You can’t stop it once it begins. It’s preordained. I don’t think your grandfather was weak, Kylo. I think your grandfather was in love. Very deeply, by the looks of it. And though I’ve never been in love…I can only imagine a love so deep would only make you stronger, not weaker. A love like they shared. A love like…your parents.” Rey ventured softly, unsurprised when Ren turned to her sharply. 

Yet he didn’t look enraged by her words, merely surprised. He titled his head to study her, and she suddenly felt nervous.

“You’ve…never been in love?” He asked her quietly, and Rey wondered at the fact that of all she had just said to him, that that was what had stood out.

She opened her mouth and closed it, a part of her embarrassed and ashamed. Wasn’t it obvious to him, that she had never known love? She was a lonely scavenger, left to fend for herself in the desert. She wondered if he was being cruel, asking her such a personal and obvious question, yet the innocent way he was gazing at her told her otherwise. He meant no cruelty. He was truly curious. She opened her mouth again, and this time only one word came out in a rush.

“No.” But on the heels of that, came either great courage or monumental stupidity. “Have you?”

Kylo blinked at both her honest confession and her unexpected question, his long lashes sweeping his cheeks lazily. A look of…something…flashed across his face in that moment. Rey was no seer, but it resembled relief at her admission and fear at her question. In an instant it was gone, and he flushed red. Was he blushing? That was impossible. Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren, did not blush.

“I…no.” He rasped angrily, as though the very notion was disgusting to him.

Rey couldn’t help but feel a fair bit of relief herself. 

Something occurred to her then, and she worried again that by voicing her opinion freely she would anger him. But she pressed on, anyway.

“This place…it makes you happy. You have happy memories here, despite the sadness I hear in your voice.” Rey stated quietly, her eyes watching Kylo’s face closely.

Ren’s face hardened, but he made no other violent gesture and for that, Rey was grateful.

“Yes. I have happy memories here. But that is all they are. Memories. And whatever ghosts remain here of my grandparent’s and their love are long gone.” Ren said bitterly, turning his back on her.

Rey took a few steps forward, momentarily forgetting who she was dealing with. 

“B-Kylo? She whispered, stopping herself from calling him Ben, even though she desperately wanted to. He didn’t turn around, but he wasn’t ignoring her either. He turned his head slightly to the side, his beautiful profile standing out in the sunlight. It was the side without the scar, and Rey was relieved.

“Please…listen to me. Let me help you.” Rey begged gently, her accent lending a softness to her words that was undeniably sincere.

She heard his sharp intake of breath at her voice, and she felt his body coil.

“Help me? What are you talking about? I don’t need your help.” He said quietly, but the words held no malice. If Rey had to name what they did hold, it would be regret. 

And regret was something she never would have expected from Kylo Ren.

Rey suppressed the urge to sigh loudly. He was stubborn, that was for sure. But so was she. Determined, she stepped even closer to him, invading his personal space. He turned sideways and seemed surprised to find her nearly shoulder to shoulder with him. 

“Why did you allow me here, take me here with you, inside of your thoughts? You let me get all of the way here, to your vision, and you didn’t try to stop me. You let me see the ocean. The lake. The island. Your grandparent’s. Even some intimate moments between them. You knew that I was here…didn’t you? I think you wanted me here, to share this with you. You were lonely. You are lonely, all of the time. And the loneliness in you calls to me, because I’m lonely too. I understand you.” Rey said, her tone soft and not accusatory.

Rey watched the internal battle wage itself through him, before he turned his back to her. His shoulders tensed, his neck stiffened, his heavy black boots gained further purchase on the sand of the shore as he dug his heels in. Finally, he lowered his head just enough for Rey to see a sliver of the skin of his neck which was beneath his dark mane. Rey had the urge suddenly to caress it.

“Yes. I knew you were here.” He confirmed softly, his voice rasping with what she presumed was failure. But what he said next nearly made her collapse. “You’re always here. And I…I did want to share it with you. I don’t understand what it is you make me feel. I can’t stop it even though I know it’s wrong and yet…I don’t even want to. It’s all that I have that truly belongs to me. And not…him” Kylo whispered softly.

Rey quivered from not only his words, but the truth behind them. And what they surely meant.

“You wanted me to see that you were not a…monster. That you are just as human as I am. You had a family. A history. Love. And…you miss that. You miss it. And you wonder what it would be like, in your most secret thoughts…to have something like that for yourself.” Rey murmured with intensity, the truth setting in. 

Rey wasn’t prepared for the feeling of utter helplessness that stretched across their bond at that moment, nor the swift anger that came on the heels of it.

“What is it you want from me? To destroy me until there is nothing left? You’re changing me. That kiss we shared…I can’t go a second without reliving it. It haunts me. You haunt me. Just when I think I have sealed off the tear you’ve made, another hole emerges and your light floods my soul. I dread the day I ever met you!” Kylo spat at her angrily, whipping around to glare at her. 

He seemed desperate and so lost that Rey just wanted to throw her arms around him and hold him close.

“I…” She tried to answer, but those dark eyes were threatening to pull things from her soul that she wasn’t ready to give. She called upon the Force to help keep her grounded.

The Force had other ideas, though. It didn’t shield her thoughts from exposing themselves. No. It opened her mind completely to him, allowing him to see her every thought from the time she arrived here until now. The way she viewed him physically. The way she longed to take away his pain. The way she longed to save his soul, bring him home to Leia, heal his wounds. The way she would place herself in harms way, if it meant keeping him safe. When had that shift occurred? When had she thought of him as someone worthy of saving? He was a creature in a mask. A monster who killed his father. 

He was a ghost. As much as the ones that resided upon this island.

And he could see it all now, hear it all. She had been so alone for so long, and she could have latched onto anyone in her solitude. A stranger. A fellow scavenger on Jakku. That traitor she was so fond of, or that pilot that treated her like a sister. But no. 

She didn’t want their arms around her holding her in both protection and adoration. Didn’t want their softly spoken words in her ears, making her tremble. Didn’t want their bodies pressed up against her in the night, soothing as well as inflaming her. Didn’t want her mental wit and vigor wasted on those that weren’t her equal in every way. 

No.

She wanted him. 

Him, a monster. Him, who had never even felt a women’s touch, let alone in an intimate setting. She wanted to love him. She wanted to touch him. She wanted to…

Kylo’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open in shock as he realized just how deeply this bond between them ran. A harsh breath ripped forth from his lips, and a slight moan escaped them as he zeroed in on the way Rey’s eyes watched his mouth with longing.

Before Rey could second guess herself, she flung her arms around Kylo's shoulder's and drew him down to her for a tender kiss. Kylo hesitated at first, his shock apparent as he lost his footing in the wet sand. But shock quickly transformed to passion as he pulled her tightly against him and lifted her off of the ground. Rey let out a loud moan as Kylo's lips pried hers open, his silky tongue seeking hers out. The pair of them shivered as they clung to one another, gaining and giving pleasure.

He had wanted to know what she wanted from him. Truly wanted from him. And now, there was no turning back. She was beautiful. Innocent. Loyal. Brave. And so, so strong. She could annihilate him with a look, and her purity was deadlier than any lightsaber. A woman like her was a prize, indeed. Untouched, unspoiled. Powerful and amazing. Blazing with the fire of a thousand suns; passionate and holy. Any man would die to possess such a rarity; a maiden which had never known the vile hands of some unworthy suitor. For he to even imagine that fate would bless him with such a gift was unfathomable and preposterous. He deserved nothing as pure as the light that was Rey.

It was too much. Way too much. He could not stand to feel such…longing…coming from her. For something he could never give her. Something he could never deserve from her. She wanted him. All of him. Not only his body, but his heart. He felt like he had been doused in fuel, and a match fell from the heavens to ignite him alive. 

Kylo dropped Rey back to her feet, stumbling backwards and distancing himself from her. He turned his back on her once again. He knew if he didn’t, he would drop to his knees and beg her to stay. Rey was trembling and making small sounds of protest, her Force signature so strong that Kylo felt dizzy.

 

He called to the Dark Side to help him. And for once, it did.

“You cannot have me. You cannot save me. I will never belong to you. I belong to him. It is my destiny, Rey. Go away, little Scavenger. You’re not welcomed here, anymore.” He murmured, a strange timbre of pain coloring his words. He began to stride away, his long limbs carrying him swiftly. 

Rey had the distinct impression that to him, she was the only one welcomed here. The only one he dared to share this with. It left her feeling equally honored and hollow.

Rey began to run after him, her athletic steps no match for his as he strutted down the shore, his long legs carrying him out of her reach.

Rey panicked, trying to gain a foothold to continue running but the sand was so difficult to run upon. It reminded her of Jakku, and she felt sharp tears sting her eyes.

“Wait! Please, Kylo….don’t leave. Come back and talk to me. I’m sorry,” She implored, not even knowing what it was she was apologizing for. She watched him disappear around a large rock formation, and by the time she made it there he was gone.

Rey wiped the tears and sweat out of her eyes, gasping for breath as she searched for him in vain. 

“Come back.” She whispered brokenly, her lips barely moving. She sat on one of the smaller rocks, impervious to the fact the tide was coming in and wetting her feet as it lapped against the shoreline. She didn’t know how long she sat there, scanning the horizon on every side just in case he returned. 

But that was not going to happen. The loss she felt in that moment was crippling, and she began to cry anew at how lonely she felt. When she was all cried out and the sun had sunk lower in the sky, she realized it was time to leave this place. He was not returning and she now felt like a thief, stealing his precious memories. 

Rising on unsteady legs, she made her way back down the shore to where she thought she’d come from. Willing herself to snap out of this vision, Rey closed her eyes and stood still. She listened to the sound of the water lapping peacefully. Listened to the sea birds that flew overhead and called to one another. Listened to the leaves rustling as the wind blew through them up on the cliffs.

And then she heard it…soft, hurt, defeated. Kylo Ren’s voice. Echoing on the breeze and floating down to her like snowflakes from the sky. 

“Please…don’t return here…ever. I don’t want you to come back. Stay away from me, and never think on this again. I did not mean for you to see it. It was a mistake. If he finds out…Leave me alone, Rey. For your own good. I don't...want to have to hurt you." Kylo said brokenly.

Rey dropped on her knees to the sand, hugging herself close. The pain she felt was immeasurable, rocketing through her like a burst of light. But it wasn’t her pain she experiencing.

It was his.

He wanted what she wanted. He wanted her. And he could not face it or understand it. So he did what he did best. He avoided, he retreated, and he bled.

The pain began to twist in Rey’s gut so badly that she felt her heart nearly squeeze in her chest. Tears, hot and fat, leaked out of her eyes and ran down her cheeks in rivers. Somewhere, Kylo Ren was weeping. Sobbing.  
Dying. A slow death, from the inside out. And there was nothing she could do to stop it. 

Or…was there?

"Rey!"

Rey jolted back to herself, ashen and wild.

“Rey…what is it?” Luke asked with trepidation, already knowing the answer. Even without being a Jedi, he could see the truth. It was as clear as the terror on Rey’s face.

"What...what was that? Where did I go?" She asked frantically, her body shaking from the wind and rain that pelted them both.

Luke wiped her hair out of her eyes, gazing at her sadly.

"What did you see, Rey? What did he show you?" Luke whispered.

Rey gasped, gathering her arms around her midsection to ward off the cold.

“He needs me. He needs us. Ben…he’s in trouble. He wants to leave Snoke. He wants to come home. Oh, Force. He is so torn, Master. He is so sad. I saw things. He showed me things…about Naboo.” Rey admitted, watching as Lukes’ eyes widened at the name of his mother’s home planet.

Rey continued babbling, her voice high pitched and frantic.

“He hates himself, for what he’s done. He feels so unworthy. He regrets killing Han. He regrets…all of it. But his ties to Snoke are too strong for him to fight alone. He needs help. Please…how can I help him?” Rey implored, her little fingers tearing at the grass beneath her in clumps of frustration.

Luke fell to his knees besides Rey, squatting down on his haunches.

“Rey, are you sure he wasn’t trying to lure you into a trap?” Luke asked cautiously. 

His common sense knew better, but he still had to be sure.

Rey shook her head wildly, tears clogging her throat.

"No! It was no trap. Stars...I've never felt such sadness before. It was nearly choking. I wanted...I wanted to just grab onto him and bring him back here with me. Oh, Master. What am I going to do?" Rey cried, leaning forward and burying her face in Luke's cloak.

Luke sighed and closed his eyes. 

"Rey, it's time to leave this island." He said quietly, his voice a mere whisper over the wind.

Rey coughed, leaning back to gaze at him in confusion.

"L-leave?" She stuttered, and Luke nodded solemnly.

"Yes. Leave. It is time for us both to face our destinies, my young Padawan. Are you ready?"

Rey gasped, not sure what it was that Luke was asking her. Was she ready to be a full Jedi? She had no idea. But one thing was clear...Kylo Ren needed her. And the more the realization of that dawned, the more she realized that she needed him, too. 

"Where are we going?" Rey asked, her voice breaking as she watched him.

Luke rose, casting a look around the island that had been his sanctuary for years. When his eyes once again met Rey's, they were filled with determination.

"Tatooine."


End file.
